This Week in the NFL

As a public service, I will now provide the NFL picks for Week 10. Sure, everyone will only be playing their ninth game, but you can figure it out. These picks are for recreational purposes only, and should not be used as the basis for any actual cash wagers. Home team in CAPS.

PATRIOTS -10.5 over Jets: The Manginis stumbled badly in their last game in Cleveland, and coming off a bye visit the angry Patriots, smarting over their loss to the Colts. New England hasn't lost two straight in over 50 games, and figure they take it out on the Jets. Actual final score: Patriots 38, Jets 17

Chiefs -1 over MIAMI: The Fish were a trendy Super Bowl pick before the season, but then a really bad thing happened. They started playing games. Daunte Culpepper showed all the mobility of a tree stump and backup Joey Harrington, despite his valuable Irish bloodlines, isn't the answer. Two words of advice here: Larry Johnson, Larry Johnson, Larry Johnson. OK, that six words, but you get the point. Actual final score: Chiefs 27, Dolphins 19

Texans +10.5 over JAGUARS: I was impressed by the scrappy young Texans when they visited the Giants last week. A decent young defense should keep it close against a Jacksonville team they doiminated a few weeks ago. Actual final score: Jaguars 20, Texans 16

BENGALS +1 over Chargers: Bengals are watching season slip away, and are desperate for a win. If they lose this, they'll fall apart. Chargers will begin missing Shawne Merriman. Actual final score: Bengals 27, Chargers 24

FALCONS -8 over Browns: Enigmatic Falcons were waxed by lousy Detroit last week, but need the win here to stay in the NFC South race. The Browns just can't score and won't be able to keep up. Actual final score: Falcons 33, Browns 10

Ravens -7 over TITANS: Steve McNair has revenge on his mind, and testy Ravens defense leads the league in pickoffs, which makes for a long day for Vince Young. Surely he's down after watching UT get beat last night, and seeing Ray Lewis & Co. won't make him any happier. Actual final score: Ravens 30, Titans 13

COLTS -12 over Bills: Bills lost Willis McGahee to a rib injury, and no way J. P. Losman can't keep up with Peyton Manning. Blowout. Actual final score: Colts 45, Bills 7

Redskins +7 over EAGLES: Lord, how I despise both these teams. But I won't let hatred cloud my judgment. Eagles are staggering after three straight losses, but play well after the bye week. Skins coming off miracle win keep it close, but Eagles, in a unique twist, get the late FG to win. Actual final score: Eagles 20, Redskins 17

Packers +5.5 over VIKINGS: Vikings put up three points against the dreadful 49ers last week, which should qualify them for demotion to NCAA Division III status. But in a late ruling, Jane Skinner's husband, the NFL Commissioner, said the Vikings can stay in the league. Brett Favre looks like he's having fun these days. Upset special. Actual final score: Packers 23, Vikings 20

LIONS -6 over 49ers: If you're one of the five people to watch this game, congratulations. You've qualified for a discount on your next visit to the psychoanalyst. Go rake leaves. Actual final score: Lions 38, 49ers 17

Broncos -9 over RAIDERS: Raiders have replaced thier vaunted vertical passing game with the trendy new horizontal passing game. Their QB is always on his back. Mike Shanahan loves sticking it to Al Davis, who really needs to retire and sell the team. Actual final score: Broncos 34, Raiders 3

Saints +4.5 over STEELERS: Ben Roethlisberger is suffering mightily from the junior jinx. That, and he misses The Bus and Antwaan Randle-El. The Saints, vastly improved, will stumble here, but still cover. Actual final score: Steelers 21, Saints 20

SEAHAWKS -3.5 over Rams: Seattle is also stumbling through a post-Super Bowl hangover, but are getting by without Matt Hasselbeck and Shaun Alexander. Another shootout with these two.Actual final score: Seahawks 30, Rams 26

CARDINALS +7 over Cowboys: I hate T.O. But then again, who doesn't? Cardinals stink, but every now and then, they manage to win a game. Parcells fantasizing about retirement. Actual final score: Cardinals 27, Cowboys 24

GIANTS Pick over Bears: Will be rainy and miserable in the Meadowlands, but Eli knows how to play there. Rex Grossman looking over his shoulder at Brian Griese. Actual final score: Giants 21, Bears 17

Bucs +9.5 over PANTHERS: Both teams were in the playoffs last year, but are stuggling. This game will reflect that. Go to bed early on Monday night. Actual final score: Panthers 13, Bucs 10

UPDATE: 7:15 pm 11/12

Good Lord, now I remember why I don't gamble. Many upsets today. I could always go and delete this post, but I'll be a man about it. A beaten man. But there's something perverse about public humiliation, so I'll leave it.