Obama Plans Topless Inauguration

As a result of nonstop swooning and gushing by the media following the release of Barack Obama's staged topless photograph in Hawaii, the Obama camp today announced The Messiah shall thrill the adoring masses by appearing topless at his inauguration January 20.

This comes on the heels of news the crowd scheduled to appear at the festivities in Washington will be only half the original number made up out of whole cloth. Team Obama hopes the prospect of people seeing a scrawny, shirtless Obama may boost the number of attendees a bit closer to the wildly inflated estimate of 5 million Obamatons.

"Let's face it, how often do you get the chance to be in the presence of greatness, never mind be able to soak in the aura of said greatness while his glistening pecs ripple as he places his hand on Lincoln's Bible. You just can't replicate and choreograph a moment any better," said Obama spokeswoman Linda Douglass, dismissing the media's concern The One may catch a cold. "He's Barack Obama. He doesn't do colds."

Douglass also noted those in attendance will be able to pose with lifelike replicas of Buff Barry for a "donation" of only $250, all proceeds of which will go to Obama's favorite charity, the Obama 2012 re-election campaign.

"We're also hoping that on the heels of the Rick Warren kerfuffle, the gay useful idiot community will come to regard The Messiah as a gay icon of sorts. I mean, why else would he wax himself before we set up that paparazzi shot?" Douglass said.

Meanwhile, MSNBC's Chris Matthews, fresh from receiving the MRC's coverted 'Quote of the Year' Award, has announced he will be broadcasting the inaugural pantsless, noting "by the time Obama puts his hand on Lincoln's Bible, there may be way more than a tingle going up my leg, and this could get really messy."