Doctors Diagnose 'Cell Phone Elbow'

One would think there'd be a correlation with some sort of sore jaw affliction as a result of flapping your gums so much.

Coming next: Text-thumbitis.

Cell phones have been accused of causing cancer before, and of lowering fertility thanks to their heat levels. However, doctors worldwide are reporting a less sensational, but potentially far more dangerous affliction striking users worldwide. Scientist are dubbing the new disease "cell phone elbow", a use injury similar perhaps to Wii-itis, but with the potential to cause long term damage.

According to doctors, when you bend your elbow to hold your cell phone to your ear, you stretch a nerve which extends underneath the funny bone and controls the smallest fingers. According to Dr. Peter J. Evans, the director of the Hand and Upper Extremity Center at the Cleveland Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, long chats can "(choke) the blood supply to the nerves. It makes the nerves short-circuit. The next thing you know, there's tingling in the ring and small finger."

Doctors are advising users who experience such tingling sensations to switch hands and, if possible, cut back on their use. The alternative is to risk long term damage to your nerves. The disorder officially goes by the name cubital tunnel syndrome, and its victims have troubled opening jars and performing other dexterous activities, such as playing musical instruments.

Obviously we'll need some federal cell phone control legislation to prevent this dire affliction. Or maybe switch to a hands-free device.

Or (gasp!) maybe people can just STFU for five minutes and get off the phone.