Neanderthals: The Original Metrosexuals

Accessorizer Man

Well, it seems neanderthals weren't total knuckle-draggers after all. In fact, if they indeed dragged their knuckles it was probably just because they couldn't get a good finger wax and what better way to remove that unsightly hair on your knuckles?

British archaeologists have unearthed evidence that Neanderthals wore makeup 50,000 years ago.

Researchers say the discovery proves the human subspecies were not the 'half-wits' people assume and were capable of symbolic thinking.

Archaeologists from the University of Bristol located sea shells in Spain containing brightly-coloured pigments which were used as Neanderthal makeup containers.

They were carefully examined and lumps of a yellow foundation-type pigment were found together with a red powder which had been mixed with a reflective black material.

The research team says this proves that it was not only modern humans who wore makeup for decoration and ritual purposes.

Their findings are published in the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.

Professor Joao Zilhao, from Bristol University, said the find shot-down 'the view of Neanderthals as half-wits'.

Hmm. All of a sudden I don't feel so bad being called a neanderthal.

Not only did they know how to accessorize and not wear white after Labor Day, it appears they may have been planting seeds that would later grow into ACORN members.

'This is the first secure evidence that, some 50,000 years ago - ten millennia before modern humans are first recorded in Europe - the behaviour of Neanderthals was symbolically organised.'

Alas, it appears the term neanderthal will still be seen as a pejorative. Unless, of course, it's deemed hate speech.

Professor Chris Stringer, a palaeontologist from the Natural History Museum in London, supported the findings but added that the view of Neanderthals as 'dim-wits' would be hard to change.

He said: 'I agree that these findings help to disprove the view that Neanderthals were dim-witted. It's very difficult to dislodge the brutish image from popular thinking.

'When football fans behave badly, or politicians advocate reactionary views, they are invariably called "Neanderthal", and I can't see the tabloids changing their headlines any time soon.'