'Who the F--K Are You? What Are You Doing in My F--king Apartment?'

Aww, let's not be so hard on the creepy guy trying on lingerie in your apartment. After all, he's probably just getting in touch with his feminine side. And who knows, he's probably a hard-working illegal trying on women's underwear that other Americans refuse to try on.

A alleged cross-dressing porter thought he'd hit the jackpot with a resident who owns a trendy lingerie line -- until she caught him with his pants down in her Murray Hill pad, the traumatized tenant claims.

BodyRock Sport owner Kelly Dooley, 28, said she was stunned to find building worker Hector Solano half-naked -- and crouching over one of her black, nylon, thong bodysuits -- inside her luxury loft Friday.

"He said he likes to wear women's clothes," she told The Post yesterday.

But Dooley said that while Solano, 25, portrayed himself as a macho guy from The Bronx at work, "He's a complete sissy."

He acted like he was "afraid of me. His hands are up, and he's begging me, 'Please don't tell,' " Dooley said.

The bizarre incident unfolded at about 11 a.m., when Dooley -- whose clients include Reebok Sports Club, LA Sports Club and lingerie boutiques -- returned to her East 36th Street apartment near Fifth Avenue after a business meeting.

She told cops that she stepped into her apartment from a private elevator and saw an arm move fast in front of her.

She thought it was her fiancé, Andrew, playing a joke on her.

"I'm like, 'Andrew, I see you!' " Dooley recalled saying.

But, "I knew something was wrong," she said, noting that the lights were off.

"I opened the [bathroom] door, and Hector is crouching down with his boxer-briefs on and a white Hanes crewneck shirt, and he's pulling up his cargo shorts," Dooley said.

"I'm like, 'Who the f - -k are you? What are you doing in my f - -king apartment?' I went absolutely AWOL on this guy," Dooley said. "I knew he looked familiar to me, but I didn't know how I knew him."

AWOL? Huh? OK, so she's not a Mensa candidate, apparently.

Solano was allegedly hunkered over her thong bodysuit and a pair of Juicy sweatpants, said Dooley, adding that she had returned home before to find her nightstand lingerie drawers mysteriously left open.

The 5-foot-2, 120-pound Dooley said she got tough with the 5-foot-10, 185-pound Solano.