Missing Democrat Alert: Anyone Seen Chuckie Schumer?

Ever since he first graced us with his presence in Congress and now for two terms as Senator from New York, Charles Schumer has been a ubiquitous presence on television. He's famous for his Sunday press conferences where he'd announce anything and everything. The man would show up at a can opening if a TV camera was present.

Yet now he's mysteriously disappeared from sight.

Has anyone seen our senator?

No, not the blond one strutting through the pages of Vogue magazine this week in glamorous high-collar get-ups.

The other one. The notably unglamorous one who during normal times is about as obscure as a yellow taxi cab and quiet as a subway train.

His name is Charles Ellis Schumer, the senior senator from New York.

He's always been a one-man political infestation on par with the bedbugs.

He is happiest burrowing deep inside our lives to solve all our problems.

Can't reach the remote to turn down TV commercials that come on too loud for your comfort?

Well, Schumer fathered the Commercial Advertisement Loudness Mitigation -- or CALM -- Act to combat this very problem.

But for months now, Schumer has gone missing.

Sure, he quietly pops up every now and then on the campaign trail, but no longer is he the ever-present national spokesman for Democrats.

He quit doing that right at the moment when the popularity levels of Democrats in Congress reached the throat of the toilet.

Even after years of wind sprints to cameras and microphones, Chuck Schumer, it turns out, really does know when to shut up.

For that we should all give thanks. He's finally learned to dummy up. Well, we probably can place some of the blame on the woefully inept New York GOP, who couldn't even find a recognizable candidate to run against Schumer (raise your hand if you can name his opponent ... OK, it's Jay Townsend) in a year when Democrats are endangered nationwide. If Harry Reid is in trouble against a woman nobody heard of six months ago, it stands to reason a Rudy Giuliani or George Pataki might have stood a chance to unseat Schumer.

So we should all enjoy the relative silence, as come January Schumer could well be Dingy Harry's replacement as Senate Majority Leader (God help us). Then he'll be back reminding us of his presence ... every day.

He knows that the only sure way for a Democrat to survive this year's elections is to simply disappear.

But, rest assured, he'll be back and more powerful than ever.

All the more reason to hope the GOP pulls an inside straight on November 2 and somehow wrests control of the Senate. Otherwise we'll be stuck with this pantload forever.