Woman Purported to Be Jennifer Grey Wins DWTS, Mass Liberal Suicide Prevented

May we never have to mention this dopey show again. The story says actress Jennifer Grey won, but she looks nothing like the Jennifer Grey I remember from a 1980s movie where she spent most of her time dancing. That was back in the day before Bristol Palin was born so I guess she must have gone into Witness Protection and had her appearance drastically altered.

On the upside, Grey's victory has prevented a mass suicide by the angry left, which surely would have occurred had Palin somehow won. Wait, is that really an upside? Well, surely it won't prevent the angry libs from railing about it during Thanksgiving dinner, ruining the holiday for their sane family members.

We now return to the important news of the day, like a royal wedding to come in five months.