Shock Report: American Kids Clueless About History

Gee, imagine my surprise to discover kids aren't learning American history.

U.S. students don't know much about American history, according to results of a national test released Tuesday.

Just 13 percent of high school seniors who took the 2010 National Assessment of Educational Progress — called the Nation's Report Card — showed solid academic performance in American history. The two other grade levels tested didn't perform much better, which just 22 percent of fourth-grade students and 18 percent of eighth-graders scoring proficient or better.

The test quizzed students on topics ranging from colonization, the American Revolution and the Civil War to the contemporary United States. For example, one question asks fourth-graders why it was important for the U.S. to build canals in the 1800s.

"The history scores released today show that student performance is still too low," said Education Secretary Arne Duncan in a prepared statement. "These results tell us that, as a country, we are failing to provide children with a high-quality, well-rounded education."

Normally an Education Secretary overseeing such abysmal results would be fired, but Duncan is one of Obama's basketball buddies, so he's not going anywhere.

In other news, it was also learned 100% of American students though man was to blame for non-wexistent global warming and the polar bears are dying off.

Education experts say a heavy focus on reading and math under the federal No Child Left Behind law in the last decade has led to lagging performance in other subjects such as history and science.

We therefore must spend more money!