Cop Awakens From Coma With Unusual Statement

 
Good thing this guy isn't a Mets fan. Who knows what sort of expletives would have come out of his mouth upon emerging from a coma?

Torre: 'A-Fraud' Obsessed With Jeter

Well, things are always interesting around the Yankees. Now a book by Sports Illustrated's Tom Verducci chronicling Joe Torre's years with the Bronx Bombers is grabbing front-page headlines. Naturally, Alex Rodriguez takes a beating.

Scorned skipper Joe Torre is blasting the Yankees - calling many of his former players prima donnas, confessing he stopped trusting the powers that be years before he left the team and charging that general manager Brian Cashman betrayed him.

In an explosive new book called "The Yankee Years," Torre gets most personal in his attacks against Alex Rodriguez, who he says was called "A-Fraud" by his teammates after he developed a "Single White Female"-like obsession with team captain Derek Jeter and asked for a personal clubhouse assistant to run errands for him.

Torre, who left the Yankees and became manager of the Los Angeles Dodgers after the 2007 season, says Cashman never told the brass that the manager wanted a two-year deal and instead remained silent during Torre's tense final sitdown with the bosses.

The book also reveals that, during spring training in 1999, team doctors revealed to owner George Steinbrenner that Torre had prostate cancer - even before informing the manager himself.

The 477-page tell-all, which The Post purchased from a city bookstore last week, is written by co-author Tom Verducci, a longtime Sports Illustrated reporter.

Verducci weighs in tonight.

Overrated First Ballot Hall-of-Famers

You have to just chuckle over these anonymous polls.

Derek Jeter was voted the most overrated player in baseball in a Sports Illustrated poll of over 495 major leaguers. Not surprisingly, both the Yankees New York Yankees captain and his manager could not care less.

Joining him on this dubious list was teammate Alex Rodriguez.

In the survey to be released in the June 23 issue, the Yankee shortstop got 10 percent of the vote. Teammate Alex Rodriguez was tied with Boston outfielder J.D. Drew for third with 7 percent.

Oddly enough, Jeter and A-Rod are so worthless, these same players would choose them to build a team around.

But in a clear case of opinions-are-like-you-know-what, when Sports Illustrated did a survey of "Whom would you pick to build your team around" just a week earlier, Rodriguez finished first and Jeter second. Make up your minds, fellas.

Professional jealousy, it appears, leaves many major leaguers very confused.

Way Too Much Information: Yankees Share Special Good Luck Charm

Newsflash: Washed-up Yankee likes to wear a gold thong to help him get out of a slump.

Disturbing newsflash: Other Yankees also wear the same gold thong.

I think I'm going to puke.

"I only put it on when I'm desperate to get out of a big slump," Giambi told Portfolio magazine's Franz Lidz.

What's more, he has loaned the magic thong to past and current Yanks Derek Jeter, Bernie Williams, Johnny Damon, Robinson Cano and Robin Ventura when they went into hitless streaks.

"All of them wore it and got hits," he told Portfolio. "The thong works every time."

Thanks to Hot Air for the link!

Pride of the Yankees Crumbles in the Clutch

We're all used to Alex Rodriguez coming up small in the postseason. Who knew his knees would also turn to jelly in the delivery room? Good Lord, man up already.

Alex Rodriguez passed out during the birth of his first daughter.

"The one nurse had a cold cloth on his head. The other nurse had the blood pressure on his arm. And my mother was like rubbing his back. And he is passed out on a couch. And I am there, in the middle of labor," Cynthia Rodriguez, wife of the Yankees star, said on an episode of the YES Network's "YESterdays" scheduled to air tonight.

"And really, I am not being paid much attention to besides the doctor and a couple of nurses," she said. "And he is there moaning. In between pushing, I am going, 'Honey, are you OK?' and 'Are you breathing? Are you OK?' "

Red Sox and A-Rod haters fans are sure to have a field day with this.

Meanwhile, speaking of Red Sox fans and on a more somber note, that psychopath who mowed down the Sox fan the other day is a really big fan of you-know-who.

The boozed-up Yankee fan from hell who ran over and killed a Red Sox supporter last week had a crush on Derek Jeter and a living room dominated by Pinstripe regalia.

A neighbor of Ivonne Hernandez, 43, who was charged with murder for allegedly running down Matthew Beaudoin in her Dodge Intrepid in Nashua, said the Bronx-bred fan loved the handsome shortstop.

Seems her interest in the Yankees was fleeting.

"When it comes to baseball, she didn't know much," the woman said. "The neighbors would give her hell. It was jokeable fun."

It would be a nice gesture, be it done privately or publicly, if the Yankees helped the Beaudoin family.

Godzilla's Sketchy Nuptials

A rather strange announcement from New York Yankees slugger Hideki Matsui.

"Godzilla" has taken a bride.

Yankee slugger Hideki Matsui stunned his fans and teammates Thursday when he revealed he secretly wed a longtime girlfriend at a New York City chapel.

"I met somebody who felt right. That was it," the 33-year-old outfielder said upon returning to the Bombers' spring training camp in Tampa.

Matsui refused to reveal many details about Wednesday's wedding or his new wife, only saying she is 25 and from Japan, where she formerly worked "in a reputable position at a highly respected company."

He is so secretive about his wife's identity that he held up a drawing of her, rather than a photo, at a press conference where he showed off the silver band on his left hand.

"I have decided to spend my whole life with her," said Matsui, considered the most eligible bachelor in his native Japan.

As teammates congratulated him, Yankee captain Derek Jeter and outfielder Bobby Abreu claimed they were conned into a bet by the newlywed slugger.

Don't expect to see Derek Jeter walking down the aisle any time soon. Do I even need to explain that to anyone?

Meanwhile, this little nugget jumped off the page.

Matsui, also known back home for his large collection of porn films, said he and his wife have been planning their wedding for a year. He began dating her during the 2006-07 off-season. He said the nuptials took place in New York City at an undisclosed chapel.

Large collection of porn films?

Dude!

And boy, do they mean large.

Take porn, for instance. While porn is not publicly displayed, every fakir worth his rod has a vast all-inclusive personal museum of deviance that would make Casanova blush. For comparison’s sake, according to Sports Illustrated, Yankee outfielder Hideki Matsui has 55,000 distinct items in his porn collection.

Hello! 55,000 distinct items? How does this man find the time to play baseball?

Update: Thanks to Hot Air and Ace of Spades HQ for the links.