Jessica Alba's Mensa Candidacy Goes Up in Smoke

I would never expect this babe to be a gourmet chef or anything, but this is embarrassing.

It was a not-so-fine kettle of fish at the trendy Smyth Hotel in TriBeCa when Jessica Alba tried cooking herself an early dinner.

Alba, in town for the Tribeca Film Festival premiere of her new movie, "The Killer Inside Me," was attempting to heat up some fish sticks at 5:30 p.m. Tuesday -- but she couldn't figure out how to work the oven.

According to a source at the hotel, "She ended up almost causing a fire in her room. Fire alarms ended up going off throughout the hotel. The smoke was so bad that fire trucks had to come. The other guests in the hotel were pretty pissed."

I imagine she tried to put the blaze out but couldn't figure out how to turn the faucet on.

Sad: Chinese Woman Wants to Transform Herself Into Jessica Alba Lookalike

Not that there's anything wrong with looking like Jessica Alba. But, um, you're Chinese, for starters, and it might be a wee bit difficult pulling this off, if you know what I mean. Besides, if the guy you're hoping to win back is the reason you're doing this, he isn't worth it.

A Chinese woman whose boyfriend insisted she wore her make-up like actress Jessica Alba is now planning the drastic step of changing her entire face to look like the Hollywood star.

Desperate to win back her obsessed boyfriend, who had insisted she wore a blonde wig and copy Miss Alba in every way, the 21-year-old woman is prepared to spend a fortune on the very physical make-over.

Chinese surgeons say that changing the woman's face so she ends up looking like the Fantastic Four star can be done, but it will be extremely expensive.

However they have revealed that the woman is well off and that 'money is no object as long as the end result is to turn herself into a Jessica lookalike'.

Identifying herself only as Xiaoqing, the woman told the Shanghai Daily that her 28-year-old ex-boyfriend was so obsessed with Miss Alba that he hung photos of her on the walls of his home and carried her image on his mobile phone.

'He was always telling me to do my make-up like Jessica does, even when I'm asleep,' she said.

'At Christmas time he gave me a blonde wig to wear and asked me to keep it on all the time.'

But it was that wig that was to bring about the end of their relationship.

As she walked around Shanghai wearing the wig and Miss Alba-style eye-catching make-up she noticed people staring at her and laughing. She was so upset by the public's reaction that she tore off the wig and her false eyelashes and threw them to the ground.

Reverting to her Chinese looks, her boyfriend wanted no more of her.

Now Xiaoqing has said she wants him back - and is ready to change her appearance so that she will look like Miss Alba forever.

'I love him very much,' she said of her former lover. 'That's why I always followed his opinions. I don't want to lose him.'

Doesn't sound like the healthiest of relationships.

It's Official: Politics Has Ruined Everything

I thought this idiotic celebutard get out the vote ad was bad enough, but we may top that with this latest ad. Look, it's bad enough we have pompous Hollywood types lecturing us, but do they have to go and ruin Jessica Alba?

It's just heartbreaking.

FIRST it was bondage, now sexy actress Jessica Alba has donned a Hannibal Lecter mask.

The mask is known as The Muzzler and the 27-year-old Alba, recognised as one of the sexist women in Hollywood, looks close to tears.

The shockingly provocative and compelling picture of Alba is the latest to try and encourage young adults to vote in the upcoming US presidential election.

This is the brainchild of Declare Yourself a (wink, wink) non-partisan group, which just happens to be the same clown with the ad noted in the first link above.

Under Attack for Being American

Mary Katherine Ham has an interesting look at some actors who are unabashedly American, which some activists seem to have a problem with, especially the lovely Jessica Alba, a third-generation American who has the temerity to speak English.

My whole life, when I was growing up, not one race has ever accepted me, ... So I never felt connected or attached to any race specifically. I had a very American upbringing, I feel American, and I don't speak Spanish. So, to say that I'm a Latin actress, OK, but it's not fitting; it would be insincere.

This, of course, doesn't sit well with the La Raza types.

One blog post on the comments remarks, “Guess sell-outs come in all races and sizes.” Another calls it a “disturbing hoard of quotes.” Another claims she “hates Mexicans.”

Comments about Alba’s comments include, “F**K YOU THEN, JESSICA…VIVA LA RAZA!!!,” “She should just change her last name to White, then,” and “I thought she could be a good role model for Latinas, but she is a fake, tryin’ to be white.”

Alba wasn’t trying to make a political statement. Instead, she sounds like she was trying to avoid speaking for an entire ethnicity and many recent immigrants when she barely speaks Spanish, and identifies as an American first. But because she didn’t reflexively take upon herself her ethnic mantle and collective responsibility, she’s bashed as a traitor to her race.

Read the rest. More from Michelle Malkin.