It's Come to This: Sexercise and Panda Porn

Shake that thang!

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Treating China's notoriously undersexed national icon to “panda porn” - or videos of other pandas having sex - is believed to have had some success. Now China has devised a new tactic to help the black-and-white animals to have more babies.

The answer is “sexercise”. Keepers are putting their charges at the Chengdu Panda Breeding and Research Centre in southwestern Sichuan province through a rigorous programme with the aim of improving their mating skills.

It involves apples. An apple is dangled from a string above the panda, luring it to stand on two legs as it tries to reach the treat. The exercise helps the panda to walk on its rear legs, thus strengthening the pelvic and hip muscles and better equipping it for sex.

Apples and porn? Who'd have thought?

China said last November that it had 239 pandas living in captivity with another 27 living overseas. A total of 1,569 are believed to live in the wild and remote corners of the south west of China.

But the keepers are relying on more than pornography and dangling apples to improve the sexual skills of the panda.

Maybe instead of apples, they should send governors of New York over to teach them a few tricks.