Hollywood Heartache: Celebs Stuggle to Make Ends Meet

I'm not sure I can't take all this bad economic news. First, this absurd story tells us we're enduring the "worst economic slump in 80 years," but not only that, it chronicles the arduous plight of Hollywood multi-millionaires facing the hard choices.

It's a wonder the republic will be able to survive.

TV's biggest names are doing what they can to combat the worst economic slump in 80 years.

Huh? The worst since 1928? I figure the author of this piece (and frankly, is anyone at the Post proofing this stuff?) is either a summer intern or too young to recall the recessions of the 1970s, 1980s and 1990s, economic hard times I recall well growing up. I'm assuming there were some lean years in the 1950s and 1960s perhaps, and we had a wartime economy in the early 1940s, never mind the Depression in the 1930s.

Heck, we haven't even slipped into a recession as it is, never mind it being the worst in 80 years.

"We're not using water bottles at home any more," says Kate Walsh of ABC's "Private Practice." "We're drinking out of the tap."

Oh, the horrors. Welcome to the real world, Kate, where most people drink (gasp!) tap water.

"We are not taking a vacation this year," says Valerie Bertinelli, star of the upcoming Lifetime original movie "True Confessions of A Hollywood Starlet."

Am I to believe Ms. Bertinelli, until recently married to Eddie Van Halen, cannot afford a vacation?

Please.

Then she utters the trendy new term that grates on my nerves like nails screeching on a chalkboard.

"We are doing a stay-cation," she says. "Staying at home. Hanging out by the pool, barbecuing."

People using the word stay-cation should be subject to public floggings, but that's just my opinion.

Actors have taken it especially hard in the wallet this year. The recent four-month Hollywood writers' strike cost the entertainment industry more than $500 million, according to a recent report.

"I think we really need to rethink how we spend our money," says Carnie Wilson, who appears in the upcoming reality series "Outsiders Inn."

"I don't know how to make gas prices drop," she says. "But I can try to control how many things I buy at Target for f-k sake! I go crazy there."

Maybe this is a good thing. It'll teach the Carnie Wilsons of the world how to think and rethink, no doubt a first on both accounts.

She doesn't know how to make gas prices drop? Guess she hasn't heard about the ongoing drilling debate.

"Friends of mine are like, 'Jo, I can't hang out tonight because I can't afford to drive there,' " says teen actress JoJo, who co-stars with Bertinelli in "True Confessions of A Hollywood Starlet."

"It sucks to pay $80 to fill up my gas tank each time. And the amount that I drive . . . it definitely takes a toll on you," she says. "Luckily I am in a situation where I am financially stable, so I am not hurting necessarily from it. But it is frustrating."

OK, so you're not hurting financially?

Then what's the point of this story?

One of the 37 Baldwins crawling around Hollywood has even had to take the drastic step of buying a smaller vehicle.

"Dirty Sexy Money" star Billy Baldwin just traded in his gas-guzzling Mercedes SUV for a Toyota Highlander hybrid.

Not that he had to. Probably just so he can pretend he's helping save the planet. Symbolism, baby!

"I realize that I have a great, high-paying job on a successful show at a time when the show business economy and the national economy and the global economy are all in the toilet," Baldwin acknowledges. "Believe me, I think about that all the time."

Sure you do.

After acknowledging that all these people are doing just fine, the reporter concludes with this:

Luckily, at least one guy seems to be doing okay. "I still have lots of money," says former 'N Sync star Chris Kirkpatrick, a contestant on the CMT reality series "Gone Country." "I am good," he says. "Actually, the president made it easier for rock stars because anybody who was above that tax limit got a break, which isn't really fair, but that's just the way it goes."

And that's just the goes in goes in today's media. Pretend things are worse than they are, interview a bunch of Hollywood airheads as if their opinion matters, and in the end it all means nothing because they're swimming in dough.

Good grief.