Dead Man Talking: Fidel Allegedly Calls Paper

What, you don't believe what Communists tell you? I guess you're not a Democrat then. Anyway, the piece of human debris known as Fidel Castro supposedly has called Granma. No, not his grandmother. Granma is the Cuban Pravda. For what it's worth, we'll play along.

HAVANA (Reuters) - Ailing Cuban President Fidel Castro has spoken by telephone to a meeting of Cuban officials, the ruling Communist Party newspaper Granma said on Saturday in the first official word on the 80-year-old leader in 11 days.

Castro has not been seen in public since an undisclosed illness forced him to relinquish power to his brother in July. The last glimpse Cubans had of him was a video clip released on October 28 that showed a frail and shuffling old man.

"The Commander in Chief Fidel Castro spoke by telephone to a work session of the Provincial Assemblies of the People's Power," the newspaper said in its online edition.

Castro listened to a summary of discussions at the meeting held on Friday and got a warm round of applause, the newspaper said, giving no further details.

Yes, I'm sure it was a rousing ovation. "Hooray, we love living in this island prison! May I have another breadcrumb?" Not to be outdone, pineapple-faced Venezuelan dictator and friend of Massachusetts Democrats, Hugo Chavez, apparently has mystical powers and determined Castro doesn't have cancer.

Castro's closest ally, Venezuelan President Hugo, said on Friday at a rally in Caracas that he does not have cancer, but is fighting a "great battle" against a "very serious" illness.

Chavez did not say Castro's health was improving, as he has repeated in recent speeches, but said he was optimistic about his recovery after speaking to the Cuban leader by telephone.

"Some comments have come out, that Fidel has a terminal cancer -- Fidel does not have cancer," Chavez told supporters in the celebration of his December 3 re-election.

OK. I guess they removed the cancer during the autopsy.