More Hollywood Imbeciles Threaten To Flee If Messiah Loses

This morning we brought you the disturbing news that British citizen Seal would be departing if The Chosen One manages to blow the election. Now comes word another batch of the usual suspects are gassing up their private luxury jets and are ready to depart for parts unknown should they not get their way.

Funny thing is, they're all probably secretly sheltering their fortunes off shore in the knowledge that Obama will be milking them dry.

A HIDEOUS new affliction is creeping through the ranks of America's creative community.

The further Barack Obama edges ahead of John McCain in the million and one polls that are coming out the more pernicious the nagging fear becomes.

What if he loses?

Barely a left-wing pundit, barely an Oscar-nominated softie can sleep a wink these days for fear of the race riots and international humiliation that will ensue should "The One" be defeated on Tuesday.

They think he's going to win, of course, but their hearts still bear the scars of 2000 and 2004.

Yet they're all still here, making their lousy movies and uttering their bilge despite the rampant fears that the evil Bush was going to impart the chill wind of censorship.

But for others, the dread is nameless and paralysing. Erica Jong, author of the 1970s feminist bible Fear of Flying, has developed a new complex in recent weeks - the fear of an Obama flogging.

"If Obama loses it will spark the second American Civil War. Blood will run in the streets, believe me," she told the Italian newspaper Corriere della Sera last week. "My back is also suffering from spasms, so much so that I had to see an acupuncturist and get prescriptions for Valium.

"Yesterday, Jane Fonda sent me an email to tell me that she cried all night and can't cure her ailing back for all the stress that has reduced her to a bundle of nerves."

Geez, what a bunch of basketcases. Are they so damn immature they can't handle John McCain? Good grief, people, get a grip.

Crack teams of chiropractors are at the ready, and Nissen huts full of qualified shrinks and aromatherapists line Rodeo Drive to soothe the tortured brigades of the psychologically wounded should "The One" be robbed of victory.

Then, of course, there's the perpetually angry Susan Sarandon issuing threats to leave, as if there's a phalanx of fans somehow trying to block her departure.

Actress Susan Sarandon has already issued a veiled threat to the public.

"It's a critical time, but I have faith in the American people," she told Britain's Telegraph newspaper with a touch of implied menace in June this year. "If they prove me wrong, I'll be checking out a move to Italy. Maybe Canada, I don't know. We're at an abyss …"

Sarandon's words qualify her for membership of a small but committed group of Potential Canadians (PCs) in American artistic and creative circles.

Barbra Streisand vowed to emigrate to Canada in 2000 if George Bush were ever elected President, an undertaking she refreshed four years later at the prospect of his re-election.

And yet these blithering idiots are still here, issuing meaningless threats, but at least keeping chiropractors and psychiatrists with booming business.

The actor Alec Baldwin and Pearl Jam's Eddie Vedder made similar threats in 2000, as did Robert Redford in 2004, but none has since enriched the Canadian cultural scene.

In fact, Canadian immigration records show that arrivals from the United States actually slowed in the six months after George Bush's re-election in 2004.

Yeah, there were probably Canadians emigrating here, seeking to enjoy the freedoms these addle-brained hypocrites fail to take advantage of.