'I'm Really Starting to Believe This Stuff Only Happens in the Keys'

I often see women farding while driving, but this is definitely a new one when it comes to unusual traffic violations.

As authorities nationwide warn motorists of the dangers of driving while texting, Florida Keys law enforcement officers add a new caution: Don't try to shave your privates, either.

Florida Highway Patrol troopers say a two-vehicle crash Tuesday at Mile Marker 21 on Cudjoe Key was caused by a 37-year-old woman driver who was shaving her bikini area while her ex-husband took the wheel from the passenger seat.

"She said she was meeting her boyfriend in Key West and wanted to be ready for the visit," Trooper Gary Dunick said. "If I wasn't there, I wouldn't have believed it. About 10 years ago I stopped a guy in the exact same spot ... who had three or four syringes sticking out of his arm. It was just surreal and I thought, 'Nothing will ever beat this.' Well, this takes it."

Going to see her boyfriend and grooming with her ex-husband in the car?

If that weren't enough, Megan Mariah Barnes was not supposed to be driving and her 1995 Ford Thunderbird was not supposed to be on the road.

The day before the wreck, Barnes was convicted in an Upper Keys court of DUI with a prior and driving with a suspended license, said Monroe County Assistant State Attorney Colleen Dunne. Barnes was ordered to impound her car, and her driver's license was revoked for five years, after which time she must have a Breathalyzer ignition interlock device on any vehicle she drives, Dunne said. Barnes also was sentenced to nine months' probation.

Barnes and Charles Judy were southbound in her Thunderbird at 11 a.m. when they slammed into the back of a 2006 Chevrolet pickup driven by David Schoff of Palm Bay. His passengers were a man and two women; the latter were treated for minor injuries at Lower Keys Medical Center, FHP spokesman Alex Annunziato said.

Schoff had slowed to about 5 mph to make a turn when the Thunderbird hit him, traveling about 45 mph, which was within the speed limit, Dunick said.

Barnes allegedly drove another half-mile, then switched seats with Judy, who allegedly claimed to be driving, Annunziato said.

"She jumps in the back seat and he moves over," Dunick said. "It was like the old comedy bit, 'Who's on first?' " Burns on Judy's chest from the passenger-side airbag deploying belied their story, Dunick said. The airbag in the steering wheel did not deploy, he said.

Troopers charged Barnes with driving with a revoked license, reckless driving, leaving the scene of a wreck with injuries and driving with no insurance. Judy was not charged.

Needless to say it's gotten a lot of attention.

"My phone has been ringing off the hook all day, and I know there's a funny side to this, but it's also deadly serious. This is a scary road and a lot of bad wrecks are caused by dumb stuff like this," Dunick said. "It is unbelievable. I'm really starting to believe this stuff only happens in the Keys."

H/T Snarky Basterd.

Thanks to Ace for the link. The comments are hilarious over there, naturally, capped off by this gem from none other than Iowahawk.

"Shavedown" (Brian Wilson / Iowahawk)

Wax it up, wax it up, cooter gonna shave you down!

It happened in the Keys where the road ain't wide,
A '95 T-Bird with white trash inside,
Yeah, a booze-injected bimbo and her mullet ex,
Revin' up her Remington for some boyfriend sex.

Wax it up, wax it up, cooter gonna shave you down!

The Remington's blades are really startin' out to buzz,
But now they're gettin' clogged and bogged down in the fuzz
To get some traction she's ridin' the clutch,
The smell of burning bush is really gettin' too much!

Swervin' down the road, and the sirens sound
Now her mohawk is the talk of town
Moral of the story, when you want the fuzz to go
Next time buy a Lady Norelco

Wax it up, wax it up, cooter gonna shave you down!