Idiot Boston Globe Sportswriter: Conservatives Should Like the World Cup Because They Fascists or Something

Since liberals eat, drink and sleep politics, nothing is off-limits when it comes to taking cheap shots at conservatives. The past few days we've seen the cranky left hopping on the World Cup bandwagon in order to bash conservatives who dare to voice an opinion about soccer. All it took was an offhand comment from Glenn Beck and the folks living off our dime over at NPR took the ball and ran with it. Ace gently reminded them why it is soccer never has and never will capture the public imagination here in America because, you know, we have other, more prominent sports here we play and pay attention to.

I never played organized soccer as a kid because in the NYC neighborhood I grew up in we played baseball, basketball and football. That's it. Sure, there were some other activities kids had, but as far as team sports were concerned, that's all we had, so that's what you played. If I walked out the door with a soccer ball or some golf clubs I'd have found myself very lonely, or getting whacked around with a 9-iron.

Now I enjoy watching some World Cup games and follow the games to some extent. I'd love to see the USA fare well and enjoy watching some of the finer teams such as Brazil and Germany, who tend to make other teams look dreadfully inferior, as was the case Sunday when the Germans overwhelmed Australia.

Somehow since I, liked the rest of the planet, voiced my distaste about the incessant noise produced by the vuvuzelas, that has now incurred the ire of some Boston Globe hack who hates to bring politics into everything like the right supposedly does, but he just has to speak up since we're all just a bunch of xenophobic, fascistic yahoos because the noise everyone is complaining about gets on our nerves.

In case you missed it, the American Right is all a'tizzy about the World Cup. They're not having any of this, by God. Some of them have even abandoned Americanism entirely and lined up with the Cheating French Bastards on the issue of vuvuzelas -- which, I am sure, most of them believe is some sort of synonym for the naughty bits of which they've all heard rumors around the old campfire.

I have heard endlessly about how it is liberals who a) wedge their politics into every aspect of modern life, and b) go through life desperately afraid that someone, somewhere, is having fun. (In the conservative formulation, this usually means that the Someone is smoking a big cigar and lining up his next ex-wife.)

To my knowledge Rush Limbaugh hasn't mentioned the World Cup, likely because he's been on his honeymoon, but that doesn't stop Pierce from taking a swipe at him. He's heard endlessly how liberals wedge their politics into every aspect of modern life and goes about making our case. Thanks, Chuckie! The notion the right is upset any time people are having fun is patently absurd. We're the ones with a sense of humor and honestly, when was the last time you saw a Democrat laugh? Surely not anyone in Washington I've seen lately. Liberals are incapable of being funny or taking a joke, which is why they walk around miserable with a permanent scowl.

So Pierce wonders why it is we couldn't enjoy a game yesterday between Paraguay and Italy.

Look, kids. People aren't enjoying the World Cup because they're liberals. They're enjoying the World Cup because it's a Big Honking Deal and Americans love Big Honking Deals, and they're enjoying it because live daytime sports provide an excuse to duck out of work and into a cool, dark place that sells beer to watch Paraguay draw with Italy, two countries that conservatives historically should embrace, if only for nostalgia's sake. I mean, really, guys. Don't you have birth certificates to chase down? Lighten up, Francis.

How subtle. See, we should like a game between Paraguay and Italy because Paraguay was at one time run by a dictator and Italy 70 years ago was run by Mussolini.

Oh, OK, I get it now. We're all fascists and like dictators. Gee, that's a novel take from the left. OK, Charles, I'm all on board now. I bet you can't wait until the North Korea match so you can root along with your Communist pal Kim Jong-Il.

Remember, though, it's those of us on the right who inject our politics into everything. Using the World Cup to call people fascists is just telling the truth or something.