Wednesday, February 02, 2011

Bloomberg Avoids Injury Holding Up Rodent, Declares Sping is Coming or Something

Is it just me or has this whole groundhog act grown stale? Especially when you now have a thousand knockoffs around the nation waiting for some rodent to see a shadow. As if this actually portends future weather. Anyway, New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg took time out of his busy schedule of harassing legal out-of-state gun owners to go to Staten Island today to play along with the schmaltzy tradition. It's leadership like this why Bloomberg is considered a serious candidate (by himself) to run for president.
Staten Island Chuck made prediction this morning even as he was pelted by freezing rain during the latest in a seemingly never-ending series of winter storms.

"Spring is coming," cried Mayor Bloomberg as he held the wet woodchuck aloft.

His wooden home encased in a sheet of ice, Chuck bounded outside and seemed unfazed by the crowd of photographers and fans.
Bloomberg's irony meter clearly isn't well calibrated. As the region and a good chunk of the nation reels from blizzards and ice storms, he now boldly predicts good days ahead. Well, for him anyway. He can just jet off to Bermuda to keep his tan up. Fortunately, our hero managed to avoid any calamitous injuries this year.
Bloomberg was not injured during the ceremony in Staten Island - unlike two years ago when his finger was chomped by Chuck.

Wearing black leather gloves, Bloomberg held the woodchuck at a safe distance as the animal squirmed in his grasp.
We can rest easy. Now the fearless Bloomberg can get back to the hard work, like measuring everyone's salt intake.


Flight-ER-Doc said...

Is there anything the news media can get right?  Clearly the gloves aren't black...

And it looks like Bloomie has his eye on that groundhogs ass for some nefarious purpose.

Jon1979 said...

The groundhog would make a better No Labels candidate for president than Bloomberg.

Russ said...

Clearly, the rodent can sense douchiness.

roux said...

Hey you woodchuck, stop chucking my wood - Mikey "No labels" Bloomberg

the wolf said...

Bloomberg is relieved spring is coming early.  That's just that much less snow he'll have to not plow.

CoquimboJoe said...

Looks to me like the rodent predicted a lot more ashattery.

CoquimboJoe said...

<span>Looks to me like the rodent predicted a lot more asshattery</span>

Shannon Love said...

<span>Wearing black leather gloves, Bloomberg held the woodchuck at a safe distance as the animal squirmed in his grasp.</span>

Strange, in the picture, he's clearly wearing brown gloves. Given this obvious error, how can we trust the rest of the reporting. 

Perhaps Bloomberg was mauled by the rodent and replaced by a robot. If so, things can only look up.