Ka-Ching! Tiger's Wife Gets $750 Million Payday

She's now free to pursue, guys.

Tiger Woods is banned from letting girlfriends near his kids in a divorce deal netting his ex a record $750 million settlement, The Sun reported Wednesday.

The golfer agreed to keep single women away from daughter Sam, three, and son Charlie, one.

He can bring a new flame into their lives only if he marries her. In return, former wife Elin Nordegren, 30, gets the biggest payout ever seen in a celebrity divorce.

But she can never publicly speak out over his alleged flings with socialite Rachel Uchitel, reality star Jaimee Grubbs, porn queen Joslyn James and up to 17 others.

A pal said: "Elin is desperate to protect the children from the womanizing side of their father.

"Tiger's main fear is her telling her story after he's rebuilt his reputation, sending him back to the gutter."

Swedish ex model Nordegren ended up with double the sum she originally sought, after her lawyers proved Woods, 34, was worth much more than the $1billion she thought.

Her friend explained: "Elin's legal team have done a great job digging up all sorts of assets.

"The price of the huge sum is her silence: no interviews, tell-all books, or TV appearances about this for the rest of her life -- even if Tiger dies first -- or she'll lose the lot."

Heh: Tiger Woods Withdraws From Tournamwent With Bulging 'D--k'

Can't say we didn't see this one coming.

Tiger-Taunting Plane Banned by the FAA

Good grief, can they coddle this guy any more?

An airplane that towed banners poking fun at Tiger Woods' sex scandal during the Masters has been ordered to stop until it undergoes minor repairs.

Kathleen Bergen, a spokeswoman for the Federal Aviation Administration, said Friday that FAA flight safety inspectors issued the order after meeting with the plane's pilot.

The single-engine Cessna made two flights near Augusta National Golf Club as Woods played Thursday in the first round of the Masters, close enough that the banners taunting Woods could be seen from the course.

Bergen said the plane was flying for a company called Air America Aerial Ads based in Genoa, Ohio. She said inspectors were responding to a request by FAA air traffic managers in Augusta.

I imagine soon the folks at Augusta will tell patrons they must only think nice thoughts when near his Tiger-ness.

Photo of the Day

Heh. They may be able to keep hecklers (and strippers and pancake waitresses) out of Augusta, but they don't control the skies above.

Via SBB and AP photos.

Thanks to Instapundit for the link.

Waaaah! Tiger Slut Doesn't Like Nasty Comments

You sleep with an infamous womanizer, expect comments such as this.

Rachel Uchitel has been called a lot of names since admitting she hooked up with Tiger Woods - but she draws the line at "hooker".

Lawyers for the pro golfer's alleged mistress have written to Las Vegas showman Jeff Beacher demanding he remove comments on his Facebook page which refer to her as a "slut," "whore" and "hooker," according to TMZ.com.

The strongly worded correspondence says the comments are false and defamatory, and legal action will be brought against Beacher if the postings are not immediately removed.

Uchitel, 35, was the first in a long list of women linked to Woods after the fallout from his Thanksgiving night car accident unearthed his secret life.

While the revelations have tarnished Woods' family man image and pushed him off the links for four months, the publicity has helped Uchitel. The New York City nightclub manager and events planner recently landed a gig as a special correspondent on "Extra" TV.

See, your gold-digging ways have paid off. Not shut up and go away.

Gloria Allred Announces Press Conference to Watch Tiger's Press Conference

Granted, whatever Tiger Woods is doing tomorrow it's really more of an announcement with a few selected friends and media members attending, but it's sure to garner huge coverage across all media platforms. Realizing this, gadfly attorney Gloria Allred licks her chops and schemes a way to horn in on the action by inviting media to come watch her watch Tiger. Yes, really.

Attorney Gloria Allred and her client, Veronica Siwik-Daniels (a.k.a. Joslyn James, a former porn star who had a 3 year intimate romantic relationship with Tiger Woods) will watch Tiger’s “Apology” press conference live February 19, 2010, at 8:00 a.m. and then react to it at a news conference immediately after his statement.

Ms. Woods had texted Veronica recently and told her in the texts “Baby I’m not going anywhere or doing anything. You please me like no other has or ever will. I am not losing that...”(October 1, 2009) “Great thing is we have a lifetime of this.” (September 9, 2009)

Recently? The Super Bowl was recently. Tiger got out of sex rehab recently. Obsessed Obama fan Dr. Amy Bishop killed three people recently. Kook leftwinger Joe Stark flew a plane into a building recently.

October 1, 2009, Gloria, is not exactly recently. In fact it was more than six weeks before Tiger got the nine-iron in the chops from his wife. But hey, why interrupt a desperate plea for attention by being logical?

Here's the fun part:

Upon hearing of Mr. Woods’ planned “apology” tomorrow Ms. Allred stated that Mr. Woods should mention Veronica by name and acknowledge their relationship in his planned “apology” and that he should call her and speak to her to confirm that his apology to her is sincere.

Oh, sure. I imagine Tiger will be manning the phone banks to speak with his army of former paramours, and will be sure to dial up the Allred office to confirm his "apology" is sincere.

Here's hoping Ms. Allred watches Tiger in solitude.

Tiger Woods to Have a 'Meeting' Friday

He's going to have to face questions from the media at some point, won't he? Better to have one excruciating presser than to avoid it any longer, don't you think? Speaking to a selected group of friends and colleagues at a closed-door event isn't exactly going to repair a shattered public image.

Tiger Woods will apologize for his behavior, and discuss his past and plans for the future, at a meeting in Florida on Feb. 19.

The announcement came in an e-mailed statement today from the top-ranked golfer’s agent, Mark Steinberg, and his spokesman, Glenn Greenspan.

Woods, 34, has been on an indefinite break from golf since saying he had been unfaithful to his wife. He hasn’t spoken publicly since a single-vehicle traffic accident outside his home on Nov. 27, which was followed by media reports detailing extramarital affairs.

“Tiger Woods will be speaking to a small group of friends, colleagues and close associates at 11:00am EST Friday at the TPC Sawgrass Clubhouse in Ponte Vedra Beach, Florida,” the statement said. “Tiger plans to discuss his past and his future and he plans to apologize for his behavior.”

Woods has obviously taken some recovery steps, Steinberg said in a telephone interview.

“Tiger feels as though It’s time to make amends and to publicly do that,” the agent said.

Tiger's Gun Show

The photo was taken before all hell broke loose in his world, although it's certainly an image of Tiger Woods we never had seen before: Ski cap, topless and looking a bit menacing. The accompanying Vanity Fair story should be of far more concern to his now shattered public image.

Tiger Woods paid as much as $60,000 for sex with escorts and made monthly payments of between $5,000 and $10,000 "to keep his harem quiet," according to the new issue of Vanity Fair, which features a topless Tiger Woods on its cover.

In most states, paying for time with escorts is technically legal. Paying for sex with escorts is not.

In the article, Pulitzer Prize-winning author Buzz Bissinger explores Woods's downfall and details the mixture of sex and money that the magazine claims Woods fed on.

"Tiger’s story has been driven by sex, tons of it, in allegedly all different varieties," Bissinger wrote. "Threesomes in which he greatly enjoyed girl-on-girl, and mild S&M (featuring hair-pulling and spanking); $60,000 pay-for-sex escort dates; a quickie against the side of a car in a church parking lot; a preference for porn stars and nightclub waitresses, virtually all of them with lips almost as thick as their very full breasts; drug-bolstered encounters designed to make him even more of a conquistador (Ambien, of all things); immature sex-text messages ('Send me something naughty ... Go to the bathroom and take [a picture],' 'I will wear you out ... When was the last time you got [laid]?'); soulful confessions that he got married only for image and was bored with his wife; regular payments of between $5,000 and $10,000 each month to keep his harem quiet."

Thanks to Instapundit and SDA for the links.

Show Me the Women!

I guess this was inevitable.

Jerry Maguire star Cuba Gooding Jr., 41, is being pursued by several Hollywood producers to play philandering golfer Tiger Woods in a 2010 movie, the Daily Mail reported.

“It makes a great movie because people love the drama of seeing someone really successful fall from the top and then scramble to pick up the pieces of their life,” one producer told the UK newspaper.

Woods, 34, has been in the international spotlight since a bizarre car crash in his own driveway the day after Thanksgiving set off allegations of more than a dozen extramarital affairs.

Meanwhile, here's one of the more bizarre rumors now making the rounds.

In perhaps the craziest piece of Tiger Woods gossip to date, a respected sportswriter is claiming that the world's #1 golfer underwent reconstructive surgery.

After having his face broken by a golf club-wielding wife.

Furman Bisher cites, on his personal blog, inside sources telling him Tiger suffered a broken cheekbone and almost had his two front teeth knocked out.

He writes that the injuries are the real reason Woods has gone AWOL since his fight with Elin Woods and subsequent car crash right after Thanksgiving.

Bisher says a trustworthy journalist colleague sent him this information on Tiger, which he posted online to "present the picture in its clearest form."

However, the whole thing smells a bit like a hoax to us.

Speaking of damage, Woods not only stands to lose hundreds of millions for his stupidity, but sponsors may be getting clipped into the billions.

Here's the report by Bisher. May be nonsense, but certainly plausible.

'She's Madly in Love With Him and She Believes That He Loves Her as Well'

We haven't had Tiger Woods to kick around for awhile. Well, we do now.

Now the latest claim by well-respected American TV show Entertainment Tonight suggests Woods is still seeing Miss Uchitel, 34, who was the first mistress to be named in the cheating scandal.

Sources told the show that Woods and Miss Uchitel were holding hands and mingling with about 300 revellers at a party at a private mansion in Palm Beach, Florida, on Saturday night.

Woods owns a yacht called Privacy, which is docked in Palm Beach, and Miss Uchitel has also been photographed several times during the past week at the upscale resort town.

Entertainment Tonight claims the same insider is adamant the couple are living together at a secret location.

If true, the move, coming so soon after his alleged emotional separation from his wife, will be seen as another damning blow to the golf star's chances of rehabilitating his battered image.

The programme's website is also claiming the couple were seen together at the trendy Everglades Club in Palm Beach on Saturday.

I was never under the impression ET was "well-respected" but I'm willing to play along.

Surprise! Another Tiger Mistress Pops Up With Gloria Allred

This makes at least two of Tiger's conquests now flacked by Allred, the other being Rachel Uchitel, who was first out of the gate a couple of weeks ago, which must already seem likes 50 years of hell for Woods. This one was apparently with Woods five years by her claim, is a Florida woman in her forties and bears a resemblance to Ellen Barkin. I'll let you decide whether that's a good thing or bad. Heck, at the rate sponsors are dropping Woods, hooking up with Barkin might not be the worst career move considering her largess.

Well, it's been what, three or fours day since another woman popped up?

Meet Gloria Allred's new client.

Theresa Rogers, a beauty with a home in Wellington, Florida, is the 14th mistress linked to Tiger Woods, RadarOnline.com is reporting exclusively.

Rogers is the mystery client who hired power attorney Gloria Allred, a story reported first by RadarOnline.com last week.

Intriguingly, her affair with Tiger occurred both before AND after he married Elin, making her the mistress with the most longevity. She also is apparently the oldest of Tiger's women, and is in her 40s.

Sources tell RadarOnline.com that Rogers traveled with Tiger extensively during the past five years. She met him in various cities for sexual hookups. She is the only known woman to continue a relationship with him after he married.

They might want to check that part. Woods got married in 2004 and supposedly was shacked up with one of the bimbettes while his father was dying and that was in 2006.

In the meantime, some guy has now also popped up whining how Tiger snatched his woman. Consider him collateral damage.

Tiger Affairs Not a Complete Skankathon

One thing I'm sure many have noticed about the army of women popping out of the woodwork saying they slept with Tiger Woods was they're all decidedly average, trashy and total skanks in some cases. Well, finally one name has emerged and as you can see from the photo she's looking hot.

Of course he had to pay for her...

Tiger Woods was into threesomes and shelled out more than $60,000 to cat around with high-priced hookers, a Hollywood madam claimed Thursday.

"One of his favorites was Loredana Jolie," Michelle Braun told the Daily News, describing the gorgeous blond as a Playboy model from Sicily who's been living in New York since age 14.

"She's a stunning girl," said Braun. "He went out with her four or five times. She took part in group sex. They met up in 2006 or early 2007. I'd say he paid $15,000 for her."

Woods "had a pretty big appetite for women" added Braun, as the world famous athlete's list of extramarital "transgressions" continues to grow.

"He was rarely with just one girl. He usually wanted more. He liked three-ways," she said.

Braun, whose escort service was closed due to legal troubles, said two of Woods' other playmates were porn star Holly Sampson and onetime trashy lingerie model Jamie Jungers.

Braun contended Woods would drop $30,000 to $40,000 a weekend for his liaisons and that he met up with the women in cities where he was playing tournaments.

"He would request the college-cutie, girls-next-door look," she said.

Braun also said the girls marveled at the golf champ's endurance.

"He could go for days," she said. "He'd pay a flat rate for an evening, but an evening would usually be extended. The girls would talk about his stamina."

Getting his money's worth.

Ace links. Thanks!

Update: Via Ace, Woods announces he's taking an extended break from golf to concentrate on his wrecked marriage. Translation: See you at Augusta.

Never Saw This Coming

Honestly, I'm surprised it took this long.

Tiger Woods nude photos may or may not exist -- but a porn company is reportedly delivering the next best thing.

Just two weeks after the Tiger Woods cheating scandal exploded – and on the heels of revelations that two of the golfer’s alleged paramours are porn stars -- an adult movie called “Tiger's Wood” is already in production, according to E! Online.

The skin flick bills itself as the "official porn parody" of the allegedly sex-crazed golfer’s reported antics, according to the Web site, which has obtained a copy of the script.

The film, to be produced by Adam & Eve Pictures, will star Tyler Knight as the embattled golfer and Kayden Kross as Elin Nordegren, according to a statement posted on Knight's Web site.

"I'm playing porn-Elin," an ecstatic Kross tweeted.

The company expects the film to hit smut shops' shelves within eight weeks.

A producer for Adam & Eve Pictures who was quoted in the statement described the marriage of the roiling celebrity scandal and a porno parody as "a natural."

A Magazine Cover Obama Wishes He Wasn't On

Heh. Ten tips Obama can take from Tiger? Where do the jokes even begin with that?

"Woods is a good role model ... because he has always been able to pull himself together after setbacks. Woods never does anything that would make himself look ridiculous."

Care to have that one back, Barry?

More here.

The editors at Golf Digest had this great idea. President Barack Obama has been playing a lot of golf lately. And according to a detailed report in The Wall Street Journal, not playing that well. So why not invite Tiger Woods, the world's pre-eminent golfer, to give the president some tips?

And, in another brainstorm, they even used Photoshop to create an image of Woods in caddy gear posing behind Obama as he judges a putt.

Notice the logo on Obama's hat.

Now readers are flooding the magazine with complaints about Woods' behavior, along with some choice tips of their own like, "Don't get caught!"

H/T Urban Infidel.

'He Is Beyond PR Redemption'

It's almost to the point where Plaxico Burress can laugh at Tiger Woods. OK, well, Plaxico will have to get out of jail first. Seriously, have we ever witnessed the total collapse of a sports and media icon as quickly as Tiger has sunk? A mere two weeks ago he was a ubiquitous presence on commercials during sports and primetime programming and now he's radioactive.

"He is beyond PR redemption. He is in public relations hell right now. There is not a PR man on Earth who can restore his image," said public relations maven Howard Rubenstein.

Holed up for nearly two weeks, Woods has not once emerged from his home into public view. He has addressed the public only through his Web site, issuing a vague apology days after the bizarre Nov. 27 car accident that raised questions about a fight with his wife and spurred nearly a dozen allegations of marital infidelity.

"Last week he had a big PR problem. I think it's really changed this week," Howard Bragman, CEO of Fifteen Minutes Public Relations, told "Good Morning America" today. "Now my gut is that he's got a life problem. There are some major issues he has to confront."

As the tabloids continue to add names to Woods' scorecard of alleged sex partners, each further tarnishing the golfer's once-squeaky-clean image, there is little the world's leading golfer can do to staunch the bleeding, Rubenstein said.

If Rubenstein thinks you've got a bad image, rest assured you most certainly do.

"He's hemorrhaging; even a transfusion won't help. He can never re-establish that perfect image of a happily married family man. Never," said Rubenstein. The best he can hope for is to re-establish his image as a golfing champion. If he wins consistently and doesn't sink to 4 or 5, he'll be applauded again – but just for golf. There will still be plenty of snickering behind his back."

But even a return to the golf course could turn into a public nightmare for the man many competitors once feared.

"The aura of invincibility that Tiger had -- how does he ever get that back?" ABC News sports consultant Christine Brennan told "Good Morning America" this morning. "Now he's a laughingstock."

Golf is a very unforgiving game. Coming off surgery Woods failed to win a major last year and one thinks he'd be hard pressed to even be able to focus on playing a single practice round of golf, let alone a major. Not only that, the gold landscape is littered with formerly great players who got the yips and vanished from the radar. Could the mushrooming scandal surrounding Woods undo his game as well?

His fall from grace is breathtaking and still far from over. Every day another woman pops up and his image sinks further. It's now gotten to where a British tabloid is openly soliciting stories from women.

Americans can be very forgiving when someone has an indiscretion or two or a run-in with the law. Yet this avalanche of bad news for Woods could well ruin him permanently.

Classy: Gap-Toothed Moron Cracks Tiger Woods Jokes

Nothing like impeccable timing. Just shortly after his show broadcast an ambulance was called to the home of Tiger Woods for what's reported to be a life-threatening situation. Probably the last man on earth to be joking about having affairs sunk to a new low last night.

David Letterman, after a week off, dived right into material about Tiger Woods on the "Late Show" on Monday, joking that he wishes the golfer would stop calling him to ask for advice.

Even though the CBS late night host is only weeks removed from his own scandal, he kicked off his monologue with the subject of Woods, who has been hounded by claims from several women that they had affairs with him.

"Boy, it looks like that Tiger Woods is having some trouble, huh?" began Letterman, puffing his cheeks out.

He joked that if Woods' situation had happened three months ago, he'd "have material for a year." He still got plenty of mileage out of it Monday, on his first new show after a week of repeats.

"President Obama is sending troops to Afghanistan," Letterman said. "Hell, he ought to be sending them to Tiger Woods' house."

Keep it classy, Dave.

Letterman later returned Monday to what he called "the Tiger Woods debacle." He tried to poll the audience members on their support, apparently thinking more would support Woods (whom he called "the greatest athlete in the world") than would support him.

He asked them to clap if they thought Woods was a "jerk." He then, referring to his "own personal problems," asked them to clap if they thought he was a jerk. Some clapped for each.

He knows all about being a jerk.

This spectacular fall from grace for Woods is deteriorating into a series of wrecked lives and his once squeaky-clean image has been blown to smithereens in under two weeks. Now with it being possibly a case of life and death the time for jokes has passed. Woods may never be the same again and for that he's entirely to blame. He's publicly humiliated his wife, God only knows how many other women will be coming out of the woodwork, and he's got two children who mercifully are too young to realize what a lowlife their father has turned out to be.

But hey, for a philandering sleazebag like David Letterman it's a cheap opportunity for a Top Ten list and lame gags.

'Had Barack Had a White Wife, I Would Have Thought Twice About Voting for Him'

Ooooh, that's raaaaacist!

While most of the focus of the problems facing Tiger Woods the past week center on his crumbling marriage, the mysterious car "accident" and the seemingly hundreds of women popping out of the woodwork, we finally get a look at the racial angle of it all, thanks to our friends at the AP. Nice to see someone paying attention to the stuff that really matters.

Amid all the headlines generated by Tiger Woods' troubles — the puzzling car accident, the suggestions of marital turmoil and multiple mistresses — little attention has been given to the race of the women linked with the world's greatest golfer. Except in the black community.

When three white women were said to be romantically involved with Woods in addition to his blonde, Swedish wife, blogs, airwaves and barbershops started humming, and Woods' already tenuous standing among many blacks took a beating.

On the nationally syndicated Tom Joyner radio show, Woods was the butt of jokes all week.

"Thankfully, Tiger, you didn't marry a black woman. Because if a sister caught you running around with a bunch of white hoochie-mamas," one parody suggests in song, she would have castrated him.

"The Grinch's Theme Song" didn't stop there: "The question everyone in America wants to ask you is, how many white women does one brother waaant?"

As one blogger, Robert Paul Reyes, wrote: "If Tiger Woods had cheated on his gorgeous white wife with black women, the golfing great's accident would have been barely a blip in the blogosphere."

The darts reflect blacks' resistance to interracial romance. They also are a reflection of discomfort with a man who has smashed barriers in one of America's whitest sports and assumed the mantle of the world's most famous athlete, once worn by Muhammad Ali and Michael Jordan.

But Woods has declined to identify himself as black, and famously chose the term "Cablinasian" (Caucasian, black, Indian and Asian) to describe the racial mixture he inherited from his African-American father and Thai mother.

This vexed some blacks, but it hasn't stopped them from claiming Woods as one of their own. Or from disapproving of his marriage to Elin Nordegren, despite blacks' historical fight against white racist opponents of mixed marriage.

On the one hand, Ebonie Johnson Cooper doesn't care that Tiger Woods' wife and alleged mistresses are white because Woods is "quote-unquote not really black."

"But at the same time we still see him as a black man with a white woman, and it makes a difference," said Johnson Cooper, a 26-year-old African-American from New York City. "There's just this preservation thing we have among one another. We like to see each other with each other."

Black women have long felt slighted by the tendency of famous black men to pair with white women, and many have a list of current transgressors at the ready.

"We've discussed this for years among black women," said Denene Millner, author of several books on black relationships. "Why is it when they get to this level ... they tend to go directly for the nearest blonde?"

This tendency may be more prominent due to a relative lack of interracial marriages among average blacks. Although a recent Pew poll showed that 94 percent of blacks say it's all right for blacks and whites to date, a study published this year in Sociological Quarterly showed that blacks are less likely to actually date outside their race than are other groups.

"There is a call for loyalty that is stronger in some ways than in other racial communities," said the author of the study, George Yancey, a sociology professor at the University of North Texas and author of the book "Just Don't Marry One."

The color of one's companion has long been a major measure of "blackness" — which is a big reason why the biracial Barack Obama was able to fend off early questions about his black authenticity.

"Had Barack had a white wife, I would have thought twice about voting for him," Johnson Cooper said.

Meanwhile, the body count, so to speak, is now up to six, or perhaps eight, depending where you look. I'm thinking once it gets to 20 the wife walks with a handsome payday.

'At Least I Kept My Mouth Shut'

An odd choice of words coming from a prostitute, especially one who was more than willing to blab to anyone just a year or so ago. According to our records, however, she may well be the only woman out there who hasn't slept with Tiger Woods.

Ashley Dupre is teed off at all those Tiger Woods mistresses coming out of the woodwork.

First of all, these gals are taking money and gifts while seeing a high-powered celeb, the infamous escort griped yesterday to The Post. Then, they're blabbing all about it in exchange for money.

Hey, who's ho-ing now?

"My case in point," the call-girl-turned-singer/author/model wrote The Post in a text message yesterday.

"Here you have all these girls accepting gifts, money, trips from Tiger in exchange for sex -- all the while knowing he is married.

"And now they all can't wait to tell their stories in exchange for even more money from the tabloids?

"And I was the hooker? At least I kept my mouth shut."

It's not the first time Dupre -- the high-priced call girl whose $4,300 tryst with "Client No. 9" led to the political downfall of Gov. Eliot Spitzer -- has gone on such a rant.

In September, she also railed against all the women who passed judgment on her, despite their own mercenary relationships with monied men.

"I'm often referred to as the 'woman who brought down the governor' -- excuse me, people, I didn't call the tabloids," Dupre said then.

"I didn't blow the whistle, and I didn't save 'the dress,' " she wrote, a reference to Monica Lewinsky. "I did nothing to shine a light on my indiscretions or to 'out' anyone else."

Meanwhile, it appears Ho #1, Rachel Uchitel, was wise to hire Gloria Allred. I'm wondering what Allred's cut of the payoff was. You can tell Rachel has certain, um, assets that attracted Tiger.

Tiger Woods is ready to shell out seven figures to keep a homewrecking mistress quiet -- while a "renup" of his prenup could cost him tens of millions more, it emerged yesterday.

New York nightclub hostess Rachel Uchitel was just hours away from dishing about her alleged sexploits with the disgraced golf great when she abruptly clammed up, canceling a midday press conference after reportedly talking to Tiger's reps.

Meanwhile, Woods was in negotiations with his stunning Swedish-model wife, Elin Nordegren, to up the stakes of their prenuptial agreement -- replete with sports-contract-like incentives that would keep her standing by her man.

A couple of questions for the men out there. Would you be willing to throw away millions for cheating on this young lady? Would you be crazy enough to cheat on her?

Seriously, if you came home to her every night, would you be dumb enough to stray? Especially if she could kick your ass?

Word has it she can walk with at least $80 million and possibly up to $300 million and the timing is perfect since I may be in the market for a hot Swedish nanny.

Tiger Fesses Up

He doesn't specifically acknowledge any of the details as reported today, but this sure sounds like a guy admitting he's screwed around on his wife.

I have let my family down and I regret those transgressions with all of my heart. I have not been true to my values and the behavior my family deserves. I am not without faults and I am far short of perfect. I am dealing with my behavior and personal failings behind closed doors with my family. Those feelings should be shared by us alone.

The rest is a bit self-serving and he laments having no privacy. Which is a price paid by such high-profile figures, but thems the breaks.

The Floodgates Open: Two Tiger 'Mistresses' Come Forward

Looks like Elin Woods may soon be teeing off on Tiger if she hasn't already, as many suspect she did last Friday morning. Now for all we know these could just be some goldiggers looking for a payday, but hey, isn't everyone?

They're coming out of the Woodswork!

At least two more buxom beauties claim to have had torrid affairs with embattled superstar golfer Tiger Woods -- including one whom he bombarded with more than 300 text messages and warned last week that his wife was getting suspicious, according to Post sources and two bombshell reports.

"I will wear you out . . . When was the last time you got laid?" a hot-and-bothered Woods allegedly texted to mistress Jaimee Grubbs on Sept. 27, according to Us Weekly.

Grubbs, a sexy, 24-year-old LA cocktail waitress, told the mag she had her first of 20 wild sex romps with Woods in mid-April 2007, two days after she met him at a Las Vegas club.

She said they headed to his hotel room for dinner, and then "went into another room to watch a movie." But "he just grabbed me and kissed me, and we started taking our clothes off and had sex," said Grubbs, who has appeared on the VH1 dating reality show "Tool Academy."

The bar worker said their steamy affair continued off and on for nearly three years.

She said they were even supposed to get together the week in February that his wife, Elin, gave birth to their son. But he suddenly told her "he couldn't make it because of a 'family issue,' she said.

"My mom knew about the affair and told me to check the news," Grubbs said.

The self-described other woman said Woods, 33, routinely showered her with text messages, including one as recently as Oct. 18 in which he allegedly wrote, "Send me something very naughty . . . Go to the bathroom and take [a picture]."

But Grubbs said a panicked Woods called and left a message on her voicemail Nov. 24 -- a day before the National Enquirer published its story about another alleged mistress of the billionaire golfer -- saying Elin, 29, might be on to them.

"I need you to do me a huge favor. Can you please take your name off my phone? My wife went through my phone and may be calling you," Woods allegedly pleaded, according to Us Weekly.

"So if you can, please take your name off that. Just have it as a number on the voicemail . . . You got to do this for me. Huge. Quickly. Bye," the golfer allegedly said.

Busted. However, she does claim the affair lasted nearly three years since they met in April 2007, so maybe Grubbs isn't exactly a mathematician.

As for Tiger's public image, needless to say it's taking a beating.

One source told Us that the Tiger and Elin could be heard "shouting, and they didn't care who heard."

"Everyone in the neighborhood was talking about how Elin 'beat his ass,' " the source added.

Ouch.

Grubbs' ex-beau, Bradley Berman, 22, told The Post he and the waitress broke up over Woods around Labor Day, after he found a text message on her phone from Tiger saying "he wanted to meet her in Vegas and how much would it cost to get her out there."

Us Weekly, quoting unnamed sources, added that Woods also bedded an unnamed Vegas marketing exec Oct. 22 after he picked her up at The Bank nightclub. Two months earlier, he allegedly went back to his suite at a casino in Verona, NY, with two women -- a blonde and a brunette -- on his arm.

Woods is the first billionaire athlete and may soon be the fastest to get back to half a billion.

Meanwhile, a second mistress also named yesterday was Kalika Moquin, a Vegas club manager at The Bank, according to Life & Style magazine.

The magazine, quoting a pal of Moquin's, said her friend explained to her that Woods "wasn't happy in his marriage or his home life and that there was just so much pressure on him."

"They've hooked up a bunch of times" over the months, the source said of Woods and Moquin. "Tiger told Kalika that married life isn't all it's built up to be."

Meanwhile, the first woman in the news linked to Woods supposedly had her trip to Australia paid for by his organization.

Other than watching his marriage possibly crumble, Woods may want to soon do some damage control since he's the most visible athlete in the world when it comes to advertisements. At some point this reaches critical mass and companies may soon begin abandoning him. And it looks like he was ver concerned with that a couple of years ago.

The National Enquirer caught Tiger Woods in a steamy extramarital affair two years ago, but killed the story in exchange for the golfer doing a rare cover-shoot for its sister mag -- despite Tiger's exclusive deal with a rival publication, a former editor told The Post.

Woods' camp, fearful of a potential public-relations nightmare in spring 2007, allegedly agreed to do a cover for Men's Fitness -- a magazine owned by the Enquirer's parent company, American Media, former Men's Fitness editor-in-chief Neal Boulton said yesterday.

"[American Media CEO] David Pecker knew about Tiger Woods' infidelity a long time ago," Boulton told The Post. "[Pecker] traded silence for a Men's Fitness cover."

Update: Here's the voicemail via TMZ.

I had the script embedded but it plays automatically when you land on the site here and I realize that annoys readers, so go to TMZ if you want to hear it.