A kinky computer engineer died after tying himself naked to a tree with a cord wrapped around his penis, an inquest heard.Not being into weird shit like this, I thought about why this all sounded so familiar. Then it hit me. I wonder whatever happened to Dick Quest?
Kevin Kirkland, 44, used a pair of makeshift rope handcuffs to attach himself to the trunk, but got trapped when a knot jammed around his wrists.
Walkers discovered his body slumped against the tree the following morning near his home in Newport, Shropshire.
He was wearing just his socks and boots and had a small piece of cord wrapped around his penis.
The inquest heard how bachelor Kevin died from hypothermia and blood loss from cuts on his wrists, which were caused by his desperate attempts to escape.
He had drunk seven pints of lager and a vodka and coke with a pal the night before he died, Telford Magistrates Court was told.
After leaving his friend at 1am on December 30 he returned to his home in Newport where he made the handcuffs by melting a single piece of rope to make two loops for his wrists.
He then walked to a canal near his home where he stripped naked and attached himself to the tree using the rope.
Kevin tried in vain to escape in the pitch black and freezing temperatures by rubbing the rope up and down the tree, stripping the bark of moss and cutting his wrists.
At 8am, dog walker Mark Griffiths and his partner Elaine Batho heard Kevin crying for help.
Mr Griffiths told the inquest: "I heard a few grunts and groans. I called to him 'Are you okay, what's going on?'
"There was quite a lot of dried blood on his arms. He had marks on the back of his head and he was quite dirty.
"I wrapped him in my coat to give him some dignity and eventually a police officer came and cut him down.
"As we put him down on the ground I noticed a small cord around the base of his penis."
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