'I Still Love Her... But She's Retarded, Too'

Well, I guess he can cancel any hopes of ever getting back together, which he obviously has no desire to.

Guy Ritchie can't make up his mind how he feels about his ex-wife, Madonna.

On the one hand, the film director said in the November issue of Esquire magazine, "I still love her."

On the other, he added, "but she's retarded too."

Maybe he meant the latter comment as a reference to her exaggerated youth.

Uh, I don;'t think so.

As for the rapidly aging tramp, she doesn't want to get married again.

Asked by David Letterman on the "Late Show" last week if she'd ever wed again, the singer replied, "I think I'd rather get run over by a train."

Sounds like a plan to me.

'This Woman Comes Here and In An Incredibly Shameless Manner'

It's also suggested this shriveled, aging hag is causing impure thoughts. Meh. Maybe with Alex Rodriguez, but seriously, is this attractive any more? She was mildly attractive in that slutty sort of way circa 1984, but seriously, I don't think the Cardinal needs to worry about anything.

Madonna is causing "crazy enthusiasm" and "impure thoughts" on her first concert visit to Chile, a prominent retired cardinal complained on Wednesday, as he paused in a tribute to a late dictator to denounce the pop star.

Roman Catholic Cardinal Jorge Medina criticized the flamboyant singer during his homily at a Mass in honor of the late dictator Augusto Pinochet, who oversaw the deaths of some 3,200 dissidents during his 1973-1990 rule.

"This woman comes here and in an incredibly shameless manner, she provokes a crazy enthusiasm, an enthusiasm of lust, lustful thoughts, impure thoughts," said Medina, the cardinal who was chosen to announce the election of Pope Benedict XV.

McCain Slaps Back at Another Obama Celebutard

Real cute stuff last night from the rapidly aging whore named Madonna. Good for John McCain to throw it back in her face.

When Obama loses, I hope she and her ilk accept some of the blame.

John McCain’s campaign engaged in somewhat of a celebrity feud with Madonna Sunday, after the material girl compared the Arizona senator with Adolf Hitler and Zimbabwe’s Robert Mugabe during her world tour.

Madonna gave her fans a not-so-subtle dose of her political stance during the first show of her tour, where during a video interlude images of Hitler, Mugabe and McCain flashed on screen, along with images of destruction and global warming.

“The comparisons are outrageous, unacceptable and crudely divisive all at the same time. It clearly shows that when it comes to supporting Barack Obama, his fellow worldwide celebrities refuse to consider any smear or attack off limits,” McCain spokesman Tucker Bounds said.

Comparing McCain with Hitler and Mugabe just further underscores her political ignorance since they're both left-wingers.

The idiot also compared Obama with Gandhi. I kid you not.



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Brainwashed? More Like a Light Rinse

Not exactly something you might want on your resume, being brainwashed by Madonna.

Alex Rodriguez's heartbroken wife Cynthia believes her hubby has been "brainwashed" by kabbalah-pushing pop icon Madonna and lured away from his family, an A-Rod confidant said yesterday.

In a bombshell interview with The Post, Dodd Romero - Rodriguez's former trainer and godfather to his two daughters who spent last week in Paris with Cynthia Rodriguez - said he and C-Rod believe the Yankee superstar has been gradually drawn away by Madonna's allure.

"Alex, God bless him, is lost," A-Rod's ex-pal lamented. "I think he got pulled in by the dark side, if you can say that nicely. He's totally brainwashed."

Pride of the Yankees

Ugh. Say it ain't so.

Us Weekly reports in its new issue, on newsstands tomorrow, that Madonna's seven-year marriage to Guy Ritchie has stalled out – and the singer has been hosting late-night visits from New York Yankee Alex Rodriguez at her Central Park West apartment in New York City.

A ringless and grim-faced Ritchie, 39, arrived in New York City from London yesterday after several weeks apart from his family. A source tells Us that the $28-million-a-year Rodriguez, 32, has made numerous solo nighttime visits to Madonna, 49, at her spacious home and would sneak out "as late as midnight." Says the source, "All the doormen are talking."

I guess his marriage vows are just a nuisance.

If he's going to stray, he sure could do better.

Eighth Circle of Hell, Celebutard Edition

In this corner, weighing in at 120 pounds, toting a massive ego, phony British accent and an insatiable lust for attention, it's Madonna!

And in these two corners, tipping the scales at a svelte 864 pounds, the guy with bacon grease on his chin, it's Michael 'Snacks' Moore!

Honestly, is it possible to dream up a more cloying, grating, loathsome pairing than these two?

It's the perfect match of countercultural icons --Michiganders Michael Moore and Madonna.

Madge, now a Brit who has deigned not to perform in metro Detroit on her last three tours, will bring her African documentary about Malawi -- "I Am Because We Are" -- to the Traverse City Film Festival on Aug. 2. Moore founded the fest.

She'll be at a gala screening at the town's historic State Theatre. Tickets are to go on sale June 7; the theater holds about 540. Details will come next week.

Let there be hype!

Yawn.

Gore Rules Out 2008 Run, Madonna Undecided

Hey, why bother? He's made himself into a cottage industry with his global warming nonsense. Keep playing the suckers and enjoy the wealth.

Former US vice president Al Gore has ruled out a bid for the White House in the 2008 elections and will carry on his fight against global climate change.

"I have no intention to run for president," Gore said in an interview conducted in Los Angeles and broadcast Thursday by the BBC.

"I can't imagine in any circumstance to run for office again," said the former Democratic vice president under then-president Bill Clinton.

This is one time I'd like to take him at his word.

Another gasbag I'd like to see less of is Madonna, someone who, despite vast wealth and privilege, seem to have a continuing identity crisis.

Madonna says she is not content to be the Queen of Pop - she wants to be like Gandhi.

The singer adds peace campaigners John Lennon and Martin Luther King to her roll call of individuals she emulates.

Madonna, 48, said: "For me the best thing in the world is to see something or hear something and go 'damn, I wish I did that, damn, I wish I could do that. That's inspiring'."

Why not just be content with having accomplished so much with so little talent? Why push it? As the saying goes, shut up and sing. Or better yet, just shut up.