Kos Kidz: Fascist Republicans Poisoned the Tomatoes!

Nothing quite amusing as a hyperventilating Kos Kid without facts. You see, facts are messy and can prevent foaming-at-the-mouth morons from conjuring up all sorts of nefarious conspiracy theories.

Of course, the FDA hasn't even pinpointed the cause of the salmonella outbreak yet, but they crazies from the nutroots are ahead of the scientists.

Naturally.

We all know that big business and their lackeys in the Republican Administration don't give a shit about public health. These are the people who mass-marketed you tobacco, alcohol, sugar-water, fast food, polyunsaturated fats, and even baby food with no food in it at all, just chemicals. And babies were their business, their only business.

Where do you even start with such lunacy?

But wait, he's just getting warmed up.

So, when these same assholes decided to go with mega-doses of cancerous chemical fertilizers, pesticides & herbicides, growth hormones, animals eating their own kind, secretly genetically engineered franken-foods, gigantic anti-family factory farms and food from God knows where in the Third World, did anybody think they would exercise proper precautions? Why would they suddenly start giving a shit about us? We're like ants to them.

Still, fascists are at least supposed to make the trains run on time, right? Efficiency and control, above all. Everything is computerized and you can track anything anywhere, right? Whenever there's a bad batch of burgers now, they publish lists of the manufacturers and batch numbers, retailers and sale dates, within hours. OK, maybe some people die before they actually bother to recall the rotten, shit-covered, poisonous meat. But they do catch it, eventually.

Now, we have an entire tomato crop tainted with salmonella bacteria. How come they can't even narrow down the source of these infected tomatoes to one State? They put out a list of the States whose tomatoes are NOT poison. How can they say that without knowing which States tomatoes ARE poison? They act like they don't have a clue. They say they won't have a clue for quite a while. Just stop eating the shit, they say. Eat those other tomatoes, they haven't killed anybody yet. Don't worry, be happy, move along, nothing to see here, fuggeddaboutit. Not!

Dude, put down the Red Bull and take a breath.

Wait until they notice Bush is out of the country.

Mwuhahaha!

Seriously, we have a scare with a crop and these nitwits have to turn it into a political screed. These people really are in desperate need of psychological evaluation.