Great News! Russian Subs Patrolling Off East Coast

Ah, I'm sure it's nothing serious. After all, our Supreme Dear Leader has been busy flexing his mad diplomatic skills by having his Secretary of State's husband go begging to release Al Gore's employees, so it's not as if the Russians don't know who's in charge.

One of the submarines is the newer Akula II, officials said, which is quieter than the older variant and the most advanced submarine in the Russian fleet. The Akula is capable of carrying torpedoes for attacking other submarines and surface vessels as well as missiles for striking targets on land and at sea.

Defense Department officials declined to speculate on what weapons might be aboard the two submarines.

While the submarines had not taken any provocative action beyond their presence outside territorial waters of the United States, officials expressed wariness over the Kremlin’s motivation for ordering such an unusual mission.

“Any time the Russian Navy does something so out of the ordinary it is cause for worry,” said a senior Defense Department official who has been monitoring reports on the submarines’ activities.

The official said the Navy was able to track the submarines as they made their way through international waters off the American coastline. This can be done from aircraft, ships, underwater sensors or other submarines.

“We’ve known where they were, and we’re not concerned about our ability to track the subs,” the official added. “We’re concerned just because they are there.”

Besides, it's not as if our sworn enemies actually present any threat to us, especially since the White House and their minions are sending a clear message as to who the real bad guys are.

So just go back to sleep and wish only happy thoughts.