'I'd Boff Hillary'

You would think Alec Baldwin would know when to shut up. Apparently the kooky actor is so besotted with himself he just can't manage to think twice before opening his piehole.

If Baldwin went into politics, would he come clean about the skeletons in his closet? He grins.

"I would, but only in the sense that I would say to people: 'Assume I've done everything. I want you to assume I've had sex with animals, that I've imbibed every kind of drink, that I've poured absinthe on my corn flakes during a period of time. I've done every debauched, filthy, insidious . . . everything. Just assume that for the argument, and now - next question.' "

In "30 Rock," now in its third season, the characters play a game in which you have to choose whether to boff, marry or kill a random choice of three people. I ask Baldwin to choose between Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama and John McCain. Who would he boff, marry or kill?

"I'd boff Hillary," he says, totally straight-faced.

So that means he believes in gay marriage?

"Well I'd have to because I wouldn't want to sleep with Barack. Barack would just be my long-term companion, as they say. I'd have to have sex with a woman because I'm not gay. I wouldn't want to have sex with Barack Obama or McCain. Obama's wife, perhaps. Anybody's wife - Bush's wife, McCain's wife, but no men - not even operating the video camera."

He pauses, weighing up all the options with due seriousness.

"So I'd boff Hillary, marry Obama . . . and I wouldn't want to kill McCain," he says contemplatively.

"Maybe I'd lead him out into the woods and leave him there, and I'd come back and tell you that I'd killed him. But I'd lie. I wouldn't really kill him. And knowing McCain, knowing his past in Vietnam, he'd make it back, he'd survive."

This moron fancies himself a future politician and clearly in envious of Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Baldwin takes umbrage when he's compared to that other actor-turned-politician, Arnold Schwarzenegger.

"I'm sick and tired of everybody saying what a great guy he is. For me, his election as governor was offensive."

Obviously the idiot doesn't realize how offensive he is.