Desperate Measures for Desperate Times

The boobs running the New York Times into the ground are flailing about, trying to come up with new ways to make some money on an enterprise that is rapidly approaching bankruptcy.

Among the ideas are a tiered pricing scheme that is sure to backfire, much like the Times Select fiasco that drove away countless readers.

Consider this latest maneuver merely rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic.

Desperate to cover $3.1 billion in liabilities and plunging income, The New York Times might use a bailout trick that's worked wonders for other worthy causes -- pledge cash and get a tote bag.

Or a ball cap, T-shirt or even an exclusive sit-down at one of the paper's hallowed Page One editorial meetings where history is made.

Executives at the company have been outlining the pledge strategy to employees as part of their latest rescue effort.

It involves leveraging the Times' online content, currently free to all, through various payment schemes.

The pledge plan would use a "membership" system, inviting users to sign up for various payment levels, according to a presentation by Executive Editor Bill Keller, which was disclosed by the Observer yesterday.

To soften the company's online mercenary appeals to the millions of users who use its site for free, the membership model would appeal to exclusivity by allowing users to buy into the "New York Times community," entitling them to exclusive content and behind-the-scenes events, Keller told staff.

No mention was made of whether "members" would have exclusive use of the Times auditorium or its cafeteria catering setup.

They should probably offer discounted psychoanalysis for new subscribers.

Whatever they do, you know they're praying for a government bailout, and hoping it comes fast.

The Times said in its latest quarterly filing that it faces current and long-term debt -- including pension and lease payments due -- totaling more than $3.1 billion.

Scott Heekin-Canedy, the Times' general manager, told staffers the company expects another weak quarter similar to the first-quarter's dismal $74.5 million loss.