Worldwide Pants Around His Ankles

So it appears Barack Obama's new BFF liked to have sex with his subordinates. What a guy.

David Letterman dropped an on-air bombshell last night -- admitting he had slept with his "Late Show" female staffers, and revealing he was the victim of a $2 million shakedown plot over the shocking affairs.

A high-ranking producer on another CBS show, "48 Hours," was arrested earlier yesterday in the extortion scheme, law-enforcement sources said last night.

Letterman appeared at ease as the show began, joking in his monologue about everything from Dick Cheney to skunks riding the subway -- but things changed when he sat behind his desk.

Hey Dave, how about some more Sarah Palin jokes, you moron?

In the spirit of the moment we offer our Top Ten reasons to feel sorry for this gap-toothed idiot.

10.
9.
8.
7.
6.
5.
4.
3.
2.
1.

We now hereby send our sympathies to Dave.



Update: Jim Treacher offers up a good Top Ten.

10. Get to find out "Worldwide Pants" refers to his breathing
9. Whenever he has trouble performing, he can always count on Paul
8. Stupid Prostate Tricks
7. Pillow talk includes fond remembrances of working with Calvert DeForest
6. "Can Jay do this? Huh? Can Jay do this?"
5. Share in wistful late-life transition from "My girlfriend doesn't understand me" to "My wife doesn't understand me"
4. Will It Rise?
3. Tries to be nice about it when he passes you off to Biff Henderson
2. "Whoops, looks like Cheney isn't the only one who shoots people in the face"
1. After the sex, he lets you keep the Palin wig

Ouch.