The Truth Revealed: Christine O'Donnell Played Patty-Cake in First Grade

What other skeletons is she hiding?

But when she showed up that afternoon, she was already dressed in her ladybug costume. I was wearing my brother’s Cub Scout uniform. There was an awkward silence. I looked her up and down. She couldn’t be more than five-and-a-half, I surmised — five-and-three-quarters at most. When I later found out that she was already six, and that I had spent the afternoon with an older girl, I just couldn’t cope with it. I thought to myself, “One day this girl is going to use her youthful looks for political gain.”

Then she got this sly twinkle in her eye and said, “Wanna play patty-cake? In the rumpus room?”

What choice did I have?

We went downstairs and closed the door so my Mom couldn’t hear.

Things got physical pretty fast.

She started warming up by clapping her hands together and rehearsing her lines: “Patty-cake patty-cake, baker’s man…”. Yet even before she got to practicing the “Bake me a cake as fast as you can” part, I got a gander at her fingernails. I immediately noticed that the trimming trend had completely passed her by. Gross!

Then she stopped and said, “You know — I’ve never done this before.”

I could hardly believe that was true. How could a good-to-go girl like Christine have never played patty-cake before? She must have had dozens of invitations. She then confessed that, well, back in nursery school she had played patty-cake a few times, but that she was a new girl now, “born again” as she called it. This was the first time since she had sworn off her patty-cakin’ ways.

I'm telling you, this O'Donnell woman is pure evil.