'She Touched My Hand, and I'm Never Washing It Again!'

Today's propaganda disguised as news.

On Tuesday, the First Lady led hundreds of school children in a solid minute of jumping jacks on the South Lawn. The event kicked off a 24-hour chase after a Guinness World Record—and served as a reminder of how adorably uncoordinated we all are as young people.

Wow, a solid minute! She's gonna need some cheeseburgers to replenish after that solid minute of exercise.

As this reporter arrived, the children, all clad in matching blue T-shirts, were running around the lawn excitedly while "Good Vibrations" played. Perhaps their zeal came from being the jumpers who would start off a string of jumping jacks the world over, as groups coordinated by National Geographic Kids tried to reach their goal of 20,426 people having jumped their jacks before 3 p.m. Wednesday. Perhaps it came from the knowledge that the First Lady would soon be in their midst.

Just gushing with anticipation. Queen Michelle would soon be here!

And then she arrived as the media kiddies squealed with delight.

Then, finally, came the main event. The children screamed as Michelle Obama arrived. "Woohoo!" she said. "Moving is fun!" Then she ran through a center space that parted the kids and showed them all how jumping jacks are done. After the minute of chaotic limb-flailing came to a close, the children surrounded her. Though her bodyguard looked none too pleased, the First Lady stayed and mingled with the swarming kiddies.

"She touched my hand!" one yelled. "She touched my face!" countered another. "She touched my hand, and I'm never washing it again!" the first retorted. Bless the children, indeed.

Pass the barfbag, stat!