'They Smell Intoxicated. It’s a Mess'

Just imagine if 99% of America reeked of urine and alcohol. Yup, they're just like the Tea Party.

Commuters and merchants in South Station say they are fed up with Occupy Boston squatters who are hogging electrical outlets and taking sponge baths in bathroom sinks, turning the bustling terminal into a unsanitary locker room.

Transportation officials said they have sealed up some outlets after fearful commuters worried Occupy members powering up electronic gadgets close to ATM machines could see PIN numbers being punched in. Yet, there’s no quick solution to sharing the bathroom.

“The bathrooms seem more crowded and grimier,” said Roy Woodton, 36, a banker from Attleboro as he rushed to catch a train yesterday.

“They are always asking for food, for handouts,” said Eva Yuen, a manager at Serenade Chocolatier inside the station. “They smell intoxicated. It’s a mess.”

Station officials said they are fielding more complaints every day.

“There have been reports anecdotally about an increasing level of frustration by customers at South Station,” said Scott Farmelant, spokesman for the Massachusetts Bay Commuter Railroad company.

Farmelant said MBCR ticket managers have been given an earful at times from peeved rail commuters upset over members of Occupy Boston’s tent city using outlets as their personal power source and soiling bathrooms.

“They are complaining about the bathroom issues: long lines, they’re becoming unsanitary, people are taking sponge baths in there, washing their hair, sort of camping out there with a lot of clothing,” Farmelant said.

But let's all pretend this is some awesome grassroots movement sweeping America.

Meanwhile, Boston police are looking into threats made by the peaceful occupiers.

“The Boston Police Department is investigating harassment attempts and threats directed at department personnel. These threats appear to be generated by those either involved or sympathetic with the Occupy Boston movement,” Boston police Commissioner Edward F. Davis said in a statement last night.

“The department will not disclose the specific nature of the intelligence gathered relative to this matter. We are taking the appropriate steps to address any potential concerns.”

The appropriate steps would include smashing these morons and dispersing them back to mommy's basement.