Nefarious Conspiracy Uncovered: Republicans Control the Media or Something

Before you try and digest any of this, be sure to ignore the fact CBS, NBC, ABC, PBS, CNN, MSNBC, and the print media are still in business and are dominated by the left. Despite that, somehow the evil right has managed to gain a stranglehold on political thought in America. And how have they done that?

Clever catchwords.

Obamacare. Pity the poor congressional and White House staffers who spent hours coming up with the bromidic name "Affordable Care Act" only to see the 2,300 page bill (which Republicans complained Obama played far too passive a role in shaping) get labeled, for all eternity, "Obamacare."

This evil phrase has become so ingrained that if you do a Google search for it the first result brings you to healthcare.gov, bought and paid for by the Obama White House (in other words, you). Apparently Obama and his people don't mind the term.

Next is a really offensive term that the GOP should really be shamed for.

Pro-life. The history here is too complex to recount, but suffice to say that in a debate pitting the rights of women to have abortion, on the one hand, against the rights of unborn children to be carried to term, on the other, two madeup terms have defined the opposing sides: pro-choice and pro-life. The one the Republicans coined, and which now stands on terminologically equal footing with the Democrats' chosen term, is far superior; as sure as rock beats scissors, life beats choice.

Or life beats death. But hey, we can't all live, I guess.

Next comes a subtle dig that really gets under their skin.

Democrat Party. Liberals may moan and complain and repeatedly correct those who drop the "ic," but that makes them sound petty. Nobody understands why "Democrat Party" is a slur, but everyone knows that it is. That's the beauty of the Republicans continuing to use their devious little dig.

It's called a tweak, you idiot.

Then comes the most horrifying term of all.

Mainstream media. Try to follow the logic here: It's a bad thing to be considered outside of the political mainstream. There's certainly nothing wrong with mainstream religion, mainstream values or mainstream business. But somehow, the "mainstream media" is a slur, said with a sneer, because it's perceived to be controlled by the left. Oh, and it's not just "mainstream," which suggests playing to the broad swath of the American public; it's simultaneously "elite."

And to heap irony on top of illogic, right-wing voices malign the mainstream media from their powerful perches in the mainstream media.

Once the negative connotation stuck, it then became the "MSM" - which sounds more like an STD or an enemy Borg. To Limbaugh, it became the "drive-by media" - which is reckless and, I guess, shoots to kill. To Palin, it became "lamestream."

I suspect Palin had Josh Greenman in mind when she coined that phrase.