Neanderthals: The Original Metrosexuals

Accessorizer Man

Well, it seems neanderthals weren't total knuckle-draggers after all. In fact, if they indeed dragged their knuckles it was probably just because they couldn't get a good finger wax and what better way to remove that unsightly hair on your knuckles?

British archaeologists have unearthed evidence that Neanderthals wore makeup 50,000 years ago.

Researchers say the discovery proves the human subspecies were not the 'half-wits' people assume and were capable of symbolic thinking.

Archaeologists from the University of Bristol located sea shells in Spain containing brightly-coloured pigments which were used as Neanderthal makeup containers.

They were carefully examined and lumps of a yellow foundation-type pigment were found together with a red powder which had been mixed with a reflective black material.

The research team says this proves that it was not only modern humans who wore makeup for decoration and ritual purposes.

Their findings are published in the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.

Professor Joao Zilhao, from Bristol University, said the find shot-down 'the view of Neanderthals as half-wits'.

Hmm. All of a sudden I don't feel so bad being called a neanderthal.

Not only did they know how to accessorize and not wear white after Labor Day, it appears they may have been planting seeds that would later grow into ACORN members.

'This is the first secure evidence that, some 50,000 years ago - ten millennia before modern humans are first recorded in Europe - the behaviour of Neanderthals was symbolically organised.'

Alas, it appears the term neanderthal will still be seen as a pejorative. Unless, of course, it's deemed hate speech.

Professor Chris Stringer, a palaeontologist from the Natural History Museum in London, supported the findings but added that the view of Neanderthals as 'dim-wits' would be hard to change.

He said: 'I agree that these findings help to disprove the view that Neanderthals were dim-witted. It's very difficult to dislodge the brutish image from popular thinking.

'When football fans behave badly, or politicians advocate reactionary views, they are invariably called "Neanderthal", and I can't see the tabloids changing their headlines any time soon.'

The Waiting is Over: Introducing Guy-liner and Manscara, Makeup for That Special Metrosexual

Here I was just the other day hailing gastrosexuals, but apparently the metrosexuals aren't yet going away. No, they're going to be more annoying than ever.

It's bad enough we have women farding in cars, but now we have to deal with some douchebags applying guy-liner?

Oy.

This whole guys wearing makeup thing wasn't so bad when it was limited to performers, but seriously, do we have to watch some trendoid schlubs applying -- gack! -- manscara?

WTF?

In an increasingly metrosexual world, perhaps it was just a matter of time.

But yesterday a high street store announced that it would start stocking makeup designed just for men.

'Guy-liner' and 'Manscara' to enhance the eyes of the male in your life, will appear in Superdrug this week.

Yesterday, the company's director of trading Jeff Wemyss insisted that its cosmetics - branded Taxi Man - are not just for transvestites.

He said: "These days you can be macho and wear make-up. If you look at people like Russell Brand and Robbie Williams, they both wear make-up and they are both very red-blooded men.

'Men are more obsessed with their appearance than ever before. There is no longer any pain in being seen to be vain.'

He added: 'We believe there is a real market for cosmetic products. The majority of our customers are women and we believe that these products will be bought by women for their partners, as well as by men themselves.'

I don't know where these cats are hanging out, but it sure as shit isn't anywhere I frequent. Maybe it's this 40-something, raising kids, heterosexual thing I have going on, but I look around and I don't see too many guys in North Jersey applying guy-liner.

Oof. I can't even believe I just typed it.

Yesterday Lucy Mines, the Daily Mail's beauty editor, cast doubt on whether the new men-only range of make-up would catch on with British men.

She said: 'I can imagine how some of the products, such as concealer, may be popular with men who want to hide blemishes.

'But I would have thought it unlikely that straight men would want to wear eye-liner or mascara. When I asked my male friends whether they would wear it, they all replied with a very firm "no."

Hot Air links. Thanks!