Saturday, April 23, 2011

'Easter Used to be All About Bunnies and Chocolate'

If you're in New York City for Easter Sunday, be on the lookout for marauding gangs of Christians looking to proselytize and spread their hateful message.

Oh, wait.
The NYPD and Midtown merchants are bracing for another Easter Sunday (or "Gang Initiation Day") wilding session -- with extra patrols and boosted security ready to take on marauding gangs looking to terrorize Times Square and nearby businesses, officials said yesterday.

The extra patrols will make for nearly as many cops as picture-snapping tourists, officials said. Three people were shot and 54 arrested in the area last year.
I guess these punks are just unhappy with what they get in the Easter baskets. Perhaps a government program to ensure everyone gets the proper amount of fat-free chocolate and low-claorie jellybeans is in order.
"Easter used to be all about bunnies and chocolate," lamented Maureen O'Lunney, manager of O'Lunney's restaurant, on West 45th Street.
Actually, Easter used to have a more religious meaning, but I guess we shouldn't talk about that in our secular society. We don't want to offend anyone.

1 comment:

rich b said...

I thinks we should set aside one holiday a year and have it be "shoot a gang member day". Good Friday would do nicely and it would sure as hell be a lot "gooder" if we used that day to exterminate a couple million thugs.

We would surely get great participation and lower the crime rate at the same time. That is if you don't count shooting back at gang members a crime. Remember Bernard Goetz? Where is he now that we really need him again. He got it right. Damn! This is a great idea. Let's hope it catches on.