Saturday, December 12, 2009

Saga of Aspiring Rapper Somehow Becomes Funnier

Ready for his closeup

We noted this late, unlamented "aspiring rapper" Raymond "Ready" Martinez yesterday and today the story manages to become even more amusing. Fortunately, thanks to Martinez coming from the very shallow end of the gene pool, tragedy was narrowly averted, but in most comical fashion. Sadly, we don't have video of the expiring rapper.
A Times Square bloodbath was narrowly avoided because the machine-pistol-toting thug who fired at a cop flipped the gun on its side like a character out of a rap video, causing the weapon to jam after two shots, law-enforcement sources said yesterday.

When scam artist Raymond "Ready" Martinez held the MAC-10-style gun parallel to the ground, it caused the ejecting shells to "stovepipe," or get caught vertically in the chamber, the sources said. The gun is designed to be fired only in a vertical position.

If he had fired the weapon -- which had another 27 rounds in the clip -- properly, Martinez, 25, could have killed the hero cop pursuing him and countless others walking through the swarming tourist mecca Thursday morning.

Instead, Sgt. Christopher Newsom was able to return fire -- killing Martinez with four shots before anyone was hurt.

The fatal gun battle erupted after Martinez bolted from cops who approached him for aggressively peddling his own rap CDs to tourists and shaking them down for cash. Newsom gave chase and shouted for Martinez to put up his hands.

Martinez instead pulled the machine gun from a sling under his coat and turned to fire as he ran into the parking breezeway within the Marriott Marquis Hotel.

One of the shots shattered a gift-shop window and a second struck the car of an out-of-town couple coming to see the Rockettes at Radio City Music Hall.

In rap songs on his Web page, Martinez boasted of taking aim at a police sergeant.

"If they call the cops, then I'm aiming at the sergeant, like aiming at my target," said Martinez, who raps under the name "Ready."

"And sure that f- - -ing dirty pig will feel it the hardest."

But the boast was empty as Newsom's better training bested Martinez's drummed-up bravado. In the end, Martinez unwittingly rapped about his own fate.

"Tell forensics to bring the chalk," he said, describing the outline that detectives draw around a body on the street.
They did, Ready. Enjoy your dirtnap, scumbag.

Naturally, his family grieves for this innocent naif.
"He knows God. He is a man of God. We studied the Bible together all the time as a family."
Update: Oh snap!
The wannabe Times Square rapper who was killed after firing at a cop had a brief brush with fame before he was gunned down when he squared off against hip-hop mega-star Kanye West in an obscure MTV trivia show – and won.

Raymond "Ready" Martinez pulled out a cheap come-from-behind victory over West in the 2008 episode of the show "Hoodfab" which was filmed outside MTV studios in Times Square.

Martinez failed to answer simple hip-hop trivia questions like identifying a lyric from Slick Rick’s seminal hit "Children’s Story," or remembering the Tribe Called Quest song "I Left My Wallet in El Segundo."

But while West was able to answer far more obscurant questions about early-1980s hip-hop legend Diamond D and 1990s rapper Jeru the Damaja, Martinez pulled out a weak victory by being able to identify all the performers who appeared on DJ Khaled’s "We Taking Over."

For his victory, Martinez was awarded a package of tube socks and a gift certificate to Foot Locker.
Well, he died knowing he was brighter than Kanye West.

No comments: